By: Coach Pam Wills
Last week, I got up on my soapbox about all the good reasons WHY holding onto your dreams is just…GOOD. Today, I’m all about the HOW. You ready? Here we go…
#1 QUIT LISTENING TO THE NEGATIVE CHATTER IN YOUR HEAD
This point is by far the most important, life changing thing you can do for your Self right now. Turn down the volume on the Mean Voice. Actually, mute it! Turn it off completely! Then, go ahead and turn the volume waaaaay up on the Best Friend Voice. I swear to you, this can be done. I did it my Self. And the results are amazing. You can totally do it, too!
#2 BE NICE TO YOUR SELF
Goes hand in hand with #1. If you’re not being nice to your Self, why do you suppose anyone else will be nice to you? Take that new Best Friend Voice and start listening to all the wonderific, nice things it says to and about you! Go ahead, I dare you.
#3 GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE
Practice courage regularly. Do something scary every day. Why? Because accomplishing challenges builds your confidence. Increased confidence allows you to continue pursuing your dreams. See how easy that is?
#4 MEDITATE ON YOUR DREAMS
Meditation doesn’t need to be weird or difficult. All it really involves is a little focus. My fave way of meditating is lounging in bed for a few extra minutes on the weekend and just letting my thoughts drift.
Another great way to focus is to keep a special journal. Write only about your dream in that journal. Write it all in the present tense, as if it is happening right now. Call it your “Make It Happen” bible or your “Yes!” manifesto!
One more way to focus is to keep your media consumption to a minimum, turn off the radio and TV and just enjoy the silence. Gives your brain some room to breathe. Breathing is good.
#5 GO VISION BOARDING
If you’re a visual person, try vision boarding. We used to call this making a collage, back in the day… Now it is all the rage. And with good reason!
Pull out some old magazines and a piece of poster board, cardboard or even an old lined notebook or scrapbook. Cut and paste your way to a creative dream! It is so much fun and a great activity to do with kids. Vision board regularly and watch your dreams come true!
#6 GET UP AND DANCE
Dance, jump, run, skip, sing, hum, color, create, make music… just have fun! Playing makes life worth living. The fun times are the times we remember. Don’t let them pass you by.
Keep the faith. Sometimes, it’s all you have!
Okay so I’m on a roll with my cheesy 80s music… enjoy this one, including the hairstyle and fashion choices!
Don’t Stop Believing
By: Coach Pam Wills
Some days, we just need the short list to remember our big WHY. Why am I chasing this dream, anyway? Why should I keep on getting up when I feel like all I do is fall down? WHY should I keep going when I could just cut my losses now??
Here are six very good reasons why:
1) You are not dead yet!
Keep hope alive and keep on moving. There is no need to stand still, stay stuck or let your Self become petrified or fossilized. Live a little! Follow your bliss! You never know what (or whom) you might find along the way.
) It helps you age backwards.
I kid you not. Look, if you want to stay stuck in a rut, good luck with that. If you want to age before your time, resist change, staying stuck is a foolproof recipe. But if you want to look young and feel even younger, all you have to do is reach ahead, let your Self grow and go with the flow. Oh and eat some dark chocolate. (It can’t hurt!)
3) You will expand your limitations and horizons.
Stretching your Self beyond your comfort zone builds confidence. See what you can achieve and see how good it feels when you do. Expand your vistas by taking tiny steps every day and pushing past your Selfimposed limitations. The bigger you dream, the bigger you will achieve.
4) Growing is good for you.
Just like a plant only survives with new growth every spring, we also need to undergo regular growth. Just think: without new cells, we would die! In fact, our bodies produce a new liver and a new suit of skin roughly every six weeks! New growth is vital. Why not allow your mind to grow, too?
5) You can be a role model for others. Don’t think anyone is watching what you do or how you do it? Check your kids. Your nieces and nephews. Your neighbors’ kids. Random young adults. People young and old can spot a dreamer/doer from miles away. Dreams are magnets and they inspire dreaming in others. Just like a smile, you can pass a dream along. And you may never know how much of a positive impact you have on others. Just do it anyway. It will make you feel awesometastic.
6) Thoughts become things.
They do. They really, truly do.
Here’s a song for you to hang onto today:
Hold On Tight To Your Dreams by ELO
By: Coach Pam Wills
If you’re in business for your Self, whether you’re selling computers, baby wipes, joy, musical theater, paintings or hot stone massages, you need to talk to people about what you do and what you offer. That, my friends, is what networking is all about. I know, I know, networking can be a drag. I know you dread attending networking events. But I’m here to tell you that if you promote your Self, your art or your business and if the idea of talking to strangers about your Self, your art or your business makes you want to run away, you’re not alone.
Lots of us avoid networking due to fear and anxiety.
The social anxiety that we call shyness has escalated in the United States over the past two decades. An
astonishing 50% now admit to chronic shyness (up from 40% several decades ago) and another 40% say they have been shy in the past, while 15% admit to feeling shy in certain situations. Only 5% of people say they have never been shy.
Kind of makes you feel normal, right??
Newsflash: You ARE normal (and AWESOME of course, but that is fodder for another post…). So just suck it up and get out there. Start networking and start talking.
Here are some talking points to make your small talk less painful:
“What challenges does your business have?”
Recognize that it is far more important to be interested than interesting. In any conversation consider W.A.I.T., an acronym for “Why am I talking?”
Talk in terms of other people’s interests. Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about them Selves. We all love talking about our Selves! Let it flow – it is the only way you’re going to find out about them and their business challenges.
Ask the right questions (open rather than closed) and you will gather as much information as you need to see what opportunities may exist at a later stage.
Answer the question, “What do you do?” with enthusiasm. This is a very important moment when starting
to build a business relationship.
Create a verbal tease by giving out information in sound bites. As long as they continue to ask questions, you know you’re on the right track.
We learn so much more from listening than from talking.
Next time you network, try out these tips. Then let me know how it went!
By: Coach Pam Wills
For many of us, confidence is kind of like the Holy Grail. Like most people, I struggle with confidence issues once in awhile. Am I good enough issues. Do they like me issues. Can I do this / is this possible / am I crazy issues. You know, the usual.But sometimes, instead of those issues appearing as fleeting doubts that we combat and vanquish fairly quickly, if we let them take over, they can and WILL affect everything we do. I know this firsthand because a few years back, my confidence hovered at a very low point. It was a painful place to hang out, but it definitely taught me that I was the only person in charge of my Self — AND my self-confidence.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
For instance, if your confidence level is low, you might end up letting opportunities pass you by on a regular basis. You might unwittingly let friends, family members or your spouse tell you what to do. You might find that your business is suffering because you don’t put your Self out there to speak and network.
Guess what — I wasn’t born confident, either. I went through these scenarios my Self. Since then, I have done a lot of work, a lot of studying and a lot of practicing. The result: I figured out how to raise my confidence level through the roof! Now, I get up and speak with confidence all the time. And I LOVE it!
So how can YOU lift the heavy weight of low confidence off your shoulders and step forward into being fully YOU? I will be honest with you — I would not recommend doing it alone like I did. My advice? Ask for help! Hire a coach to lean on. Trust me, an experienced coach’s objectivity and action-oriented guidance are the best gifts you could ever give your Self. I wish I had done it years ago!
Meanwhile, until you gather your courage to reach out, here are a few steps you can practice daily to jumpstart your confidence:
1) Replace the negative chatter in your head with positive Self talk.***
Practice makes perfect. Diligence doesn’t hurt, either. Every time you catch your Self saying something mean about You, stop! Take a breath. Rewind. Now replay it, but this time, be nicer to your Self. For
instance, instead of saying, “I’m so stupid!” say something like, “Okay, I made a mistake, so now how can I learn from this mistake ***If you do nothing else, DO THIS!!! Every day. All the time. Without fail. No
matter what anyone else says to you. It WORKS.
2) Tell yourself 10 Good Things.
Every night before you go to sleep, maybe while you’re brushing your teeth, repeat after me: I am strong. (That’s one.) I am smart. (That’s two.) I am confident. (That’s three. See how easy it is?) And keep going! What other good things can you say about your Self? Are you a good parent? Are you a reliable friend? Do you have great hair?? The first time you try this, it will feel weird. You might only make it up to six Good Things. But keep practicing. Eventually, you will not want to stop at 10! Trust me on this one. It WORKS.
3) Make an “I AM” Scrapbook or Vision Board.
This might be a bit more advanced, but it is also quite relaxing and exhilarating at the same time. Kind of like yoga! Whenever you have some alone time, cut out pictures and words from magazines that reflect who you really want to be. It’s never too late to be the person you’ve always wanted to be, don’t you agree?
You can draw and write words directly in your book or on your poster board. Any book, notebook, scrap cardboard or corkboard will do. Make this an ongoing project if you like. Once you’ve finished, put it where you can see it or take it out and look at it regularly to reinforce that calm yet exhilarating feeling of I AM. Yeah. This WORKS.
Confidence CAN be yours. If I can do it, you can TOTALLY do it, too!
To help you get the ball rolling, contact me for a quick chat. Usually, I charge over $150 per hour for private coaching sessions on the telephone. But I am so sure that I can kick your confidence up a notch or two RIGHT AWAY that I am willing to give you 30 minutes of my time, no charge.
What have you got to lose?
By: Coach Pam Wills
Since my April “Be Your Self” theme has ended, I decided to share my updated playlist of fave inspirational, motivational, get-up-and-go tunes (in no particular order). I’ve linked the song titles to corresponding YouTube videos (not all of them are official music videos by the artists, but the tunes are there and sometimes the lyrics are, too). Lyrics are worth looking up for great inspirational quotes, just Google them.
1) Reach, Gloria Estefan
Motivational fodder for pushing beyond the limits, this was an official theme song for the 2008 Summer Olympics
2) Try to Fly, Eva
Great tune from a super talented songwriter and great friend of mine who creates her magic in Germany
3) Polka Dots, Kami Lyle
I am so lucky to count as friends not one but TWO super talented singer/songwriters! Kami spins her magic right here on Cape Cod
4) Free and Right to Be Wrong, Joss Stone
This hippie chick knows the real deal and how to express it with her crazy hot soul music
5) Brave, Jennifer Lopez
I don’t think this song is well known but it really hits the spot
6) Respect and Think, Aretha Franklin
7) Free Xone and What Have You Done for Me Lately, Janet Jackson
Love the dancing in the “Free Xone” video… “Love your Self” is a great line!… And let’s not forget the quintessential, classic Janet song
8) Just Fine, Mary J. Blige
THE way to rock the joy of being YOU, this song is my newest anthem!!!
9) Express Yourself, Madonna
“Don’t go for second best, baby”… Words to live by
10) Strength, Courage & Wisdom, India.Arie
Just the tip of the iceberg from this singer and her incredibly deep soul
11) King of Anything, Sara Bareilles
“Who cares if you disagree? You are NOT me!”… This song is everyone’s theme song who decides to stop putting up
12) Born This Way, Lady Gaga
Cannot make a list like this without this tune!
13) I’m A Survivor, Destiny’s Child
Beyonce’s antidote to hater poison
14) Shine, Estelle
All about being her Self, this woman knows exactly who she is
15) Brand New Day, Sting
Wait for Stevie Wonder to come and play his harmonica around minute three
16) Hope, Shaggy
“Never give up”… Super cool and inspiring tune by the man him Self
17) The Climb, Miley Cyrus
I know, I know, what am I doing putting a kids’ song on this list??… Just listen, it’s really a great tune about
18) When You Believe, performed by the late Whitney Houston and Maria Carey (from Disney’s The Prince of Egypt)
Inspirational at its best, sung by two powerful divas
19) Girl On Fire, Alicia Keys ft. Nicki Minaj
Caution, super hot video! Lots of fun, too
20) Fighter, Soar and Beautiful, Christina Aguilera
Fabulous tunes, all of them!
Thanks for listening with me! I hope this list:
1) made you smile
2) made you DANCE!!!
3) made you want to forward this to a friend. Why keep a good thing to your Self??
Have a great week!
By: Coach Pam Wills
Here are a few ideas to help move and shake you out of that comfortably numb state we all slide into now and then… Try a few!
1) Get up on the opposite side of the bed
2) Brush your teeth with the other hand
3) Wear a different color than you usually do (shirt, earrings, lipstick, socks, even pj’s!)
4) Take a different route to work
5) Try a bite of something you’ve never eaten before
6) Look up a new word in the dictionary and use it in conversation as often as possible during the day
7) Have a salad for dinner if you normally eat meat and potatoes
8) Read instead of watching TV
9) Take a walk or do some other physical activity for 20 to 30 minutes WITHOUT music or TV or reading materials to distract you — give your mind some space to just BE
10) Call a friend — don’t use email or Facebook, call!
Do at least three of these things TODAY and see how you feel… pay attention, you might just come up with your next big idea. =)
The BONUS 3
1) Write a poem
2) Move your furniture around
3) Create a mind map (a free-form diagram) of something that’s on your mind or a project you want to complete
Good luck and have fun!
By: Coach Pam Wills
Are you feeling a little too comfortable lately? Like you never want to leave your boring old, painful old, draining old comfort zone?
Well, that is all well and good if you are all set with your job. Your
relationship. Your home. Your education. You KNOW what I’m talking about.
However, if you are thinking about using your creative juice, making plans, setting goals and otherwise getting out there and on the move, you know that comfort equals death. As in comfortably numb (thank you, Pink Floyd…). If this sounds like you, then it is time to get up off of that overstuffed sofa and out onto the open road. Get ready peeps, we are leaving the comfort zone now…
#1 – Decide
No worries, this first step may still be completed from the comfort of your sofa. Just don’t take all year already! Give yourself a deadline to consider your options. What happens if your plan works? What happens if it doesn’t work? Is this the right step, in the right direction? Decide.
#2 – Get tougher
Trust me, what makes you tougher won’t kill you. (Um, if you choose to leave the C-zone for something that could actually kill you, well, that’s another area altogether, one that I am not trained to help with. We are NOT talking about dangerous, life-threatening actions here!) Really — doing something different or differently will not end the world. Just enjoy the ride.
#3 – Dig deep
What will you miss out on or give up if you continue to just sit there on your comfy sofa for all eternity?? Might you bore yourself to tears? Miss out on a chance to take the spotlight? Never experience love again? Think about it. Is remaining in the C-zone really all that great in comparison?
#4 – Put your Self first
As women, we hear this all the time. We know it makes sense. But do we really take this advice to heart? It is
NOT selfish to take care of your Self, get enough rest, exercise and good nutrition. It does NOT make you a Bad Mommy if you go out with the girls one night a month, or have a date with your partner once a week. It does NOT make you a bad person if you say no to the fifth or sixth or seventeenth person requesting your precious volunteer time. There is only so much of you to go around! When you put your Self first, you start to hear your own voice. Not your mother’s voice. Not your partner’s voice. Just yours. What are you saying? What do you REALLY want??
#5 – Take baby steps
No need to take extra giant leaps here, not if you are out of practice and not if you are looking to make small changes. Decide on tiny increments and make your road a gentle path rather than
a speeding rollercoaster. It’s okay. We can’t all be Lady Gaga.
#6 – No excuses
You heard me.
#7 – Do something
Anything! Anything related to whatever it is you are shaking up. Want to go back to school to be a nurse? Contact some local schools and request info packets. Want to renovate your bathroom? Get thee to the hardware store and pick up some paint samples! Want to change your career, or maybe the world? Get online and start digging for possibilities. See what happens!
Ready to get up off that comfy sofa now? Give me a call, I can help you get
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