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By: Maurene Merritt, RN & Yoga Teacher There was no blood or tears, but plenty of sweat to help me remember how difficult the process was. I pick up my heavy, wet, brown terry cloth towel off of my yoga mat that feels like I've just taken it out of the washer after it has been spun dry. That's how much sweat drips off of me in the 90 minutes. In my first class, I was forced to my knees several times with nausea and light headedness. It's the closest experience I've had of pushing my baby out of my body 25 years ago.  Through the years, I've struggled with how to prepare women for the second stage of labor. I'm sure it helps your body to remember the ancient process that coils in your DNA, panting lively with every baited breathe for a chance to unravel, when in prenatal yoga we practice creating a deep, bellowing sound while resuming a wide-thigh, open stance. And I'm sure the list of do's and don'ts that I once created on how you may feel and what you can do to help yourself provided a familiar frame to manage the unknown. But it's clearly not enough. It doesn't help either that many of us (including myself) skim over this part of the experience, like we do with cesarean sections. It's the part of the story that either is not going to happen to us or that we don't need, believing that if we've gotten that far, surely we can make it to the finish line. It's too late once you’re pregnant, to do Bikram yoga. The combination of heat and exertion is in my opinion way too demanding at a time in a woman's life that calls for a gentler, slower more moderate form of physical movement. However, if you are not yet pregnant and are thinking about it, consider trying Bikram yoga as a practice to help you prepare for the demands of the second stage of labor. It's no surprise to me that I find myself continually drawn back to Bikram. I certainly do not envision myself becoming a staunch supporter, for there are threads of the practice that I do not condom (for another blog!). However, there is nothing like a process that demands your entire focus to leave you feeling deeply satisfied, and hungry for more. Together, Maurene
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By: Maurene Merritt, RN It's so big to give birth, our ability to surrender. Yet, somehow I couldn't neatly package the recent "aha" moment that I had with a friend about it, that surrender is not being submissive, forced action rooted in fear but rather expansion, that we become so enraptured in something that we are rekindled to the kind of enthusiasm that we all once had when we were children, that we loved so much that it was indeed a pleasure to give. Where and how could I fit such a powerful, lofty characteristic about surrender into an experience that is so heavily draped in contraction? It had to fit somewhere into the equation though, since love is what got us here in the beginning, and if we chose, it is love that will carry us through to the end! My teacher says that our ability to surrender requires our attention and effort and is a conscious choice on our part. Help yourself surrender to birth with the following ritual. At some point in the last trimester of pregnancy, after you feel complete that you have done everything in your power to give birth the way you intend to, let it go and give it over to the god of your understanding. To help strengthen your surrender, consider integrating ritual. For example, if your tendency was to explore every appropriate childbirth preparation book under the sun, take three flowers, each one representing the corresponding zodiac flowers for you, your partner, and your baby and place them in a page of your most inspiring, frequently visited pages. Or, if you are the scrap booking type, place them in your baby photo book. Or if you're like me and enjoy creative writing, place them in your journal.  As you close your chosen book with the flowers that are destined to become a very special triad book mark in its pages, verbally state your intention of letting go of your birth experience.
Say it out loud with feeling so that it becomes your mantra, words that protect, enliven, and guide. "I surrender all my thoughts and concerns and energies about giving birth over to the almighty power that conceived my baby." With your days and nights leading up to birth, continue to steady your mind on surrender by repeating your mantra over and over again. I think that what you will find with approaching your labor in this way is that you will be more likely to surrender to an experience like Nicole's who described herself as "euphoric" just seconds after giving birth. Together, forever, in our hearts, Maurene *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/ By: Emily Accrocco “So, we’re going to have a complete stranger in the delivery room with us? I mean, you seem cool…” said one father-to-be during my second prenatal interview with potential doula clients. His remark didn’t shake me at all, as I’ve learned how precious doula support is for the father as well as the mother. Some fathers are thrown off at the idea of a doula, but are very grateful to have had an experienced support person in the room with them for the beautiful transition into parenthood. “The training of a doula emphasizes quiet reassurance and enhancement of the natural abilities of the laboring woman. A doula is constantly aware that the couple will carry the memory of this experience throughout their lives” (The Doula Book, Klaus, Kennell, and Klaus). The doula must be sensitive to this time and compatible with mom and dad. Things to consider when interviewing a potential birth doula: 1. Are you available during my due date? Most doulas will offer to be on call for you two weeks before and two weeks after your due date. 2. What is your training? Are you certified? If so, by what organization? What were the requirements for certification? DONA, for example, requires birth doulas to attend three births with positive evaluations from the OB or midwife, the nurse, the mother and father or birth partner. 3. How many births have you attended? How long have you been a doula? 4. Why did you become a doula? 5. What is your stance on pain medication during labor? 6. Are you familiar with my OBGYN/midwife and hospital/birth center? Have you been to a birth with my provider before? 7. How would you be able to support me during labor and delivery? What is in your birth supplies bag? 8. How would you involve and assist my partner during the birth? 9. When would you join me once I am in labor? 10. What is your back up plan if you are unable to attend my birth? Can I meet the back up doula? 11. What is your fee? Fees for doulas can range from $300-$1000 depending on your location and the doula’s experience. Some doula students offer birth services pro bono, on a sliding scale, or for trade of goods or services. 12. What does your fee cover? The majority of doulas offer up to 2-3 prenatal visits, attendance at your birth and up to 2-3 postpartum visits. Unlimited phone, email or text support for your pregnancy from date of hire. 13. What is our refund policy? If you like her, schedule another meeting to go over your birth preferences. After the interview, ask yourself these questions: 1. Am I compatible with this person’s personality? 2. Can I imagine this person with me for the big show? 3. Does this doula seem to have her own idea of how your birth should go or is she supportive of your decisions? 4. Does she listen and communicate well? Keep in mind that this kind of support requires a high level of trust- in yourself, and in the doula’s knowledge and skills. Make sure she is someone that will reassure you and ground you. This is your body, your birth, your baby. A great site to find birth and postpartum doulas is Doulamatch.net! Emily grew up in Barnstable, Cape Cod and after graduation, attended University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She earned a Bachelors of Arts in Psychology and Women's Studies. In 2010, she gave birth to her daughter Lena Rose with the assistance of a doula. She had never considered or been educated about natural childbirth or hiring a doula. Emily had an amazing experience and it motivated her to become a doula herself. Her dream was to work with teen girls and as a labor and delivery nurse, but found doula-ing satisfies both passions. Emily believes in the transitive powers of childbirth on women and believes that every woman should have doula support to have the most fulfilling birth and most positive experience. Childbirth is so empowering and humbling at the same time, that to be a part of another's special moment means so much to the doula. Birthing is a spiritual event and women can take back the personal power and innate strength to give birth without excessive and unnecessary medical interventions. Emily works as a mental health counselor for children and adolescents. She draws on her experiences in social work and birth work to be successful in both fields. She is currently a midwifery student and has dreams of opening a pregnancy and birth services center on Cape Cod. By: Maurene Merritt, RN Truly, we are so fortunate to have an experience in life that gives us still another opportunity to test the very one in us that believed that we can do or be anything, and if in that moment we have someone courageous enough, committed enough, clear enough to let nothing, absolutely nothing prevent us from the challenge, then such a moment is a blessed event that is a gift to both the giver and the receiver, because in order for the teacher to provide such alchemy, she herself in that moment will need to remember her own strength seen by her own teacher, when all else failed her. Chandra articulated beautifully how powerful such a connection can be. She gave up several times in the midst of pushing, exhausted, the words barely audible beyond her eyes sunken in the tears of despair, and the beads of sweat formed on her brow, "I can't do this anymore", and even asked her physician to take her baby boy out of her body as he descended closer to her vaginal opening. I was able to reconnect with Chandra the next day and inquired about her experience. She said, "I was so unprepared for the pushing stage. I felt confident for the first stage, working like it was an extension of my daily yoga practice, holding steady to the breath with each contraction. But I had no idea how hard pushing was going to be. By far, it's the hardest thing I've ever done".  I asked her to identify what factors helped her to ultimately give birth to her baby the way she intended, all on her own, from start to finish. She said, "my physician's calm, steady presence" and "when I was at my wits end, I would look at you, and then push one more time, for you." It's what a good teacher does, she sees our strength sometimes before we can see it for ourselves. When we have lost all faith, she is there, like a loving, strict mother that is committed to taking our next step, just another staircase in our ascending, evolutionary need for growth. The teacher is an energetic connection, and can be anyone that you feel is vested in you, a nurse,childbirth educator, midwife, physician, husband or even your own mother. All that need happen is that an authentic, full connection be made. For me, it was my daughter's father that provided this invaluable, crucial role. Truly, it made the difference in my ability to conquer what I had given up on so long ago. It took another decade for me to cultivate enough of the strength that I had gained through childbirth to allow for a bigger, more powerful connection, one that helps me now to see pregnant/birthing women more and more in their true, energetic form. To give you an idea of how difficult second stage is and how valuable a teacher can be, consider the following: 1. Identify 3 of the most difficult experiences that you've had in your life. 2. Identify what factors helped you to endure and meet their challenges. Now multiply the level of difficulty of each experience by 10, maybe even 100 or 1000. If one of the factors that helped you to endure was support by family and/or friends, multiply it by the same factor.  If you welcome childbirth with an open heart and a positive mind, it's an experience that can reward you with the gift of what was one of Chandra's original intentions, to feel triumphant. Then comes the real challenge, will you put forth enough effort to keep your towering inferno of awe for yourself from cooling to a dancing, struggling tear shaped flame too deep in to grow? Or will you tend to yourself enough to provide for a gentle, soft breeze that will help sustain the flame to a steady, still white glow? All too often we are so absorbed in mothering that we fail to receive the fruits of our labor and they go unpicked and rot on the vein; and it's the very substance that can help us to remain confident and inspired to grow deeper in our understanding of how brightly lit up we all are. Consider that the experience of feeling triumphant is about as rare as how often it's sought after and in terms of priority belongs in the front row seat cozy up with mothering. Together, forever, in our hearts, Maurene In my next blog we'll look to the universal, developmental movement patterns to help give more power to our push. *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/ Maurene Merritt, RN is a holistic practitioner, teacher, and writer. She has an extensive background in holistic childbirth education including developing and teaching the first partnered yoga childbirth education program in a major Boston Medical center. Presently she is an employee of Falmouth Hospital where she serves as a maternity nurse and is active with the integrative medicine department. She also has a private practice where she calls herself CapeYogaGirl. By: Maurene Merritt, RN Tanya, my dental hygienist says of her recent birth experience to her 3-month-old baby boy, "I was fully present for the moments I wanted to be fully present for." Of course I reflected on her statement and pondered, "What are the moments that we want to be fully present for? For me, I wanted to be as fully present for the entire experience as I could because in my mind, it would bring me closer to my baby. This may sound irrational, but I've long felt that love is not about what is rational but rather what one is willing to risk for the sake of truth, connection, and happiness. Consider that in labor, unlike most of life's moments when our vision rules most of our perceptions, it will be what you hear that will help to heighten your awareness to the experience. Begin now, in your pregnancy. Take a safe, comfortable seated or lying posture. Bring your attention to your breathing and as you exhale, feel how the eyes so naturally want to close. Keep your attention focused lightly on your breathe, and let yourself be drawn to the gentle sound of the breathe moving out of your body. Gradually, let the sound of your exhalations become louder, so that you begin to make a soft humming sound. With every exhalation, like a gentle flowing water fall, let your awareness be drawn to the sound inside. What do you notice? Can you feel how the sound of your breathing helps to quiet and soothe your mind?  How does your baby respond to your more audible breathe? Do you feel that your baby is more active or quieted by the sound? Consider that your baby is cushioned in approximately 2 quarts of fluid and that sound waves travel much quicker through fluid than that of air. I am reminded of a very endearing story about how quickly sound travels through water. The story teller was in our circle, pregnant with her first child. She said "when I was younger I'd go and visit my grandmother who lived on the lake. My grandmother warned me, don't share your secrets on the beach unless you want our neighbors across the lake to hear you." So the gentle humming on your exhalations will certainly be subtly felt by your baby. We can use our mindful, more audible sounds to help make a stronger connection in pregnancy. For example, as you sound, direct the energy to the space that your baby holds in your body, or imagine him/her in your mind. In labor, we can apply the same principles. The gentling humming, infused with thoughts of holding your baby in your arms, or usurps from your diary that bid farewell to a most cherish confinement help to deepen our connections.  The sound of birth. When your baby slips out of your body, most likely it will not be what you will see that will tether your moment, but rather what you will hear. Consider that the actual moment of birth is so intense for most women that they are unable to clearly see their babies.
Too, the release of rectal pressure often forces the spine into extension causing the head to be gently thrusted back so that your eyes initially will be directed up, towards the ceiling. So for several seconds, it will be what you hear that keeps you more connected to the moment. The now empty, hollow space that once held the reassuring sounds of your baby's thumbing, beating heart beat will quickly acquise to the sounds of your baby's first gasps for new life, and your care providers gleeful shares of joyful celebration. Of course, your eyes will certainly devour the first sight of your newborn. But until then, practice stilling the mind with the sounds of your breathe to help yourself be fully present for these precious, short lived moments. Let yourself make a strong connection between the sound of your breathe, your mind, and connection with your baby. Who knows, you just may find yourself so mesmerized by what you hear in labor that you'll want to live more of your life tuned into every moment. Together, forever, in our hearts, Maurene *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/  Cape Cod Mommies is excited to add once again to our Board of Advisors! Join us in Welcoming: Emily Accrocco ~ Doula
Emily grew up in Barnstable, Cape Cod and after graduation, attended University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She earned a Bachelors of Arts in Psychology and Women's Studies. In 2010, she gave birth to her daughter Lena Rose with the assistance of a doula. She had never considered or been educated about natural childbirth or hiring a doula. Emily had an amazing experience and it motivated her to become a doula herself. Her dream was to work with teen girls and as a labor and delivery nurse, but found doula-ing satisfies both passions. Emily believes in the transitive powers of childbirth on women and believes that every woman should have doula support to have the most fulfilling birth and most positive experience. Childbirth is so empowering and humbling at the same time, that to be a part of another's special moment means so much to the doula. Birthing is a spiritual event and women can take back the personal power and innate strength to give birth without excessive and unnecessary medical interventions. Emily works as a mental health counselor for children and adolescents. She draws on her experiences in social work and birth work to be successful in both fields. She is currently a midwifery student and has dreams of opening a pregnancy and birth services center on Cape Cod. Contact Info 774-212-6485 http://bellyswelldoula.wix.com/bellyswelldoula bellyswelldoula@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wix Twitter: https://twitter.com/wix  By: Maurene Merritt, RN Listening to women so soon after they give birth, it sounds like their story has a life of its own, moving through their bodies like a runaway train with seemingly nowhere to go. However, if we listen well, it can direct us to places inside that require more of our attention. They're the places that we continue to return to over and over again, the knots that need to be untied so that we can integrate our experience and have it be inside us more like a well tuned conductor, guiding our direction to the magical tune within us that helps us to find just the right balance of the two wings of yoga, surrender and effort.  I could hear, clearly were our lovely Liz Sullivan's train directed her. It was when she first arrived at the hospital, very tired from putting everything she had into laboring for hours at home, she lost it, allowing herself the sobs and cries that reflected how she felt. It was the surrender wing, the letting go, the giving ourselves over to our innocence; the unedited, strong, fighting youthful spirit that is willing to do and be anything. It's the place where for me personally, now, I try so hard to go, over and over again, like a laboring woman, I sit, I breathe, and I wait for the opening.  So often immediately following these precious, unbridled moments, space is somehow created within us and quick, effortless movement prevails. My writing just flows and it feels as strong and joyful as the moment I found the perfect balance between push and paddle to keep myself a float on top of the water, despite the hours of effort required in pursuit of my goal. For Liz, her "Laney" came so quickly that she wished that she would have been forewarned of such drastic,sharp unexpected movement, a concern hardly heard of in labor, and one that will serve her well, especially if she is willing to continue to explore, reflect, and articulate. Her baby's sharp, drastic movement downward followed by birth - the release, it's the culminating moment of transformation, grounded down deeply by a force beyond our will, only to be lifted higher upward for lighter, more joyful movement.  Liz certainly has strengthened well the effort wing of yoga and knows it well. She is a bright, articulate, beautiful, hard working woman that put forth great effort in preparing for labor. My blessing for her is that she continually find her way back to her mat to fine tune what she learned through her experience, the wing harder to know, that of letting go.
*reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/  By: Maurene Merritt RN It is not what we are afraid in childbirth that can hurt us, because in all probability you will not experience it. To prove that to the part of yourself that needs to be convinced, try this 2 minute exercise. Make three columns and label the first column, Experiences that you were afraid of but did anyway, in the second column, identify what you were afraid of, and the third, what actually happened. Be specific. So for example, if you identify going to graduate school as something that you did and feared failure, ask yourself what is it about failure that you were afraid of? Or, in regard to childbirth, if you fear pain, what it is about pain that you are afraid of? The more specific you can be with exploring your fears, the less power they will have over you. When I taught this at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, MA for a small group of couples committed to natural childbirth, they were softened by their reflections, and felt more confident moving forward with their intentions. I hope you too will enjoy the same.  Although fear is mostly benign, what can reek havoc and dismantle our lives,leaving us stunned and in need of repair are those unexpected surprises. Unfortunately, there is little we can do about preventing them (although Karmic law says that the more enlightened we become, the greater power we have to draw near positive, uplifting experiences - for another blog!). What we can do though, if we are wise and brave is take up the work of putting ourselves back together again. Consider that when we do, the hard-wiring of our being in charge of gathering and making sense of our world gets rewired so that we become heavier in the parts of ourselves that needs to be and feel fully vested in survival, safety, unconsciously, confidently grounded, agile. Because our childbirth experiences are often full of unexpected surprises, processing the experience is a very powerful way to deeply ground yourself in the here and now. Then, we are freer to light on other parts of ourselves that relishes reflection, contemplation and enjoys the artistic expression of our journey through writing, painting, movement, and music.  Yoga is a practice that provides for the work of putting ourselves back together, and what is so splendidly beautiful to witness is that healing just happens, like the birth of another brilliant shining start in the black velvet sky, or the sound of another baby's first cry. It just happens, seamlessly, organically, miraculously.
I would love to hear your experiences from the above exercise. Please share below to further assimilate your experience and help others do the same. Together, forever, in our hearts, Maurene *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/  By: Maurene Merritt
Elisha, her friend, Diane shared of her disappointment, that her baby at 36 weeks was small for gestational age, which means that her baby is smaller in size than normal for her baby's sex and number of weeks pregnant. Elisha share with me that Diane really took it to heart, digging and probing inside herself for what she could have done differently to prevent her baby from being underweight, despite Diane doing everything right in her pregnancy. It made perfect sense to me that Diane took it to heart because in fact,as far as I'm concerned, her baby is her heart. For most pregnant women, our baby's well being is constantly on our minds, even when we are busy, like an all purpose hat on our heads that fits so well we forget that it is on until a change in season. Providing reassurance and being a good listener can certainly help to console Diane's heartache. However, our hearts live beyond our rationale, cortex thinking mind and would hear better fragments of our silent speaking, words shared in the most inner recesses of our being, the place that comes more alive when we conceive and we once again can hold dear our hopes and our dreams and believe in how it is all suppose to be. Consider the ancient yoga centering technique called a Dharana to communicate with your baby and provide the heart with an opportunity to shine brightly, offering protection, strength and deep connection. *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/  From very early on in my pregnancy, I had reservations about a hospital based program's ability to support my strong intention for natural childbirth. Looking back on it now, I was right, the class was mostly an informative session about what to expect at the hospital and not a class that empowered. I made sure that when I started teaching classes at a major medical center that the curriculum was balanced, thorough, informative and joyful. Fortunately, I had a wonderful nurse manager that supported my efforts. To this day, she is one of my gems that I will treasure always.
Despite my trepidation, with my big belly, two stuffed pillows, and my heart full of glee, I attended weekly classes for 6 consecutive weeks, along with 10 other couples. My husband would be able to participate in several of the classes but needed to travel abroad for business and so was absent for others. But I was able to teach him what I learned in our practice sessions that we did religiously before bedtime. It took us real effort to stay disciplined, after a long day, we were both tired, him from the grind of corporate life and me carrying around an extra 25 pounds in the swell of August in New England. Finally the day arrived when I would be able to put my knowledge and practice of lamaze breathing to the test. I made one of my last entries into my journal while being pregnant at 2:45 p.m. August 15th, "Dear baby, this will probably be the last time I write to you while you are part of me. I share tidbits of early labor activities and then express my sadness over how much I will miss having her a part of me. Throughout my labor, I never once used lamaze breathing. Instead I did what came naturally, straddling my breathe like one holds fast to the front bar of a fast moving, swirling, gliding roller coaster car. In that way, the breathe became my god, an instrument of calm, soothing and protecting me like a deep streaming inner sanction as the turbulent forces of nature raged on. Here in lies the difference between lamaze breathing and yoga, for both marry the breathe and have an ultimate goal in mind. Lamaze uses the breathe as a distraction away from the pain of labor until such time a baby is born. On the other hand, yoga worships the breathe as the goal and not a means to an end. In yoga the breathe carries prana or life force, which is the very essence of our existence. The intensity of childbirth demands that we give our full selves to our breathing and in doing so provides for a heightened experience. This higly focused attention on our breathing is called Drishti and is highy praised on the yoga path. Pranayama is the control of breathing to direct prana throughout the body. In my next several postings, we'll practice Pranayama specifically for childbirth, helping you to work with your breathing in the context of enlivening your vital energy for the richly gratifying work of transformation. Together, Maurene http://www.birthblessingsyoga.com/ *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/ |
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