 By: Maurene Merritt, RN How do you handle intense frustration? Do you give up at the first sign of difficulty, or lean more towards the opposite end of remaining steadfast to the very end? Or maybe you tow the middle ground in fall somewhere in between? I recall in my formative years, this feeling was so uncomfortable for me that I would give up at the first sign of difficulty. Often it was with math problems or writing, endeavors that require so much fortitude and tenacity to remain in times of not knowing, and to push past giving up. It wasn't until childbirth that I was able to change this very disheartening, debilitating pattern. I dilated like a model for an OB or midwifery textbook to 9 centimeters. Then, gradually my contractions slowed to waves that served children on the seashore and not the tidal wave ones that I needed to open up my body!  I remained there, walking, showering, talking, breathing for 6 hours to no avail. Finally, my doula encouraged me to get back into a position that I found extremely painful hours prior. It worked, and I gave birth to my daughter 20 minutes later. Over time, I found myself returning to the physics problems and more recently creative writing, actually enjoying the tug-of-war it takes to get to resolution. It's been such a huge shift for me, it makes me feel sometimes like a puppet on new, golden threads that moves me down camouflaged pathways that I wouldn't have dreamed of going down before giving birth. Often they hold the most pleasant surprises - one in particular, as big as my birth! When I'm pushed to tears for the words to flow, I remember the words of one of my teachers, Bonnie Bridge Cohen of BodyMindCentering. She says that when there's a block and you remove the block, that there is this huge release of energy. I love this teaching, and like to imagine my frustration a dam that holds back water, and that when I release the dam, there is a flood of movement. In my mind, I can hear the roar and feel the spray of joy and satisfaction that comes with the release. Consider the following; *When you give birth to your baby, you very well may experience frustration since "failure to progess", often a benign category is, according to the World Heath Organization, the number one reason for a 30% ceserean section rate in this country. *Birth, like any art demands a commitment to the process. You may practice the discipline required of continously coming back to something by establishing a daily, regular meditation practice.  *Childbirth is a highly charged experience that touches the very heart of a woman. It's a golden opportunity to revisit those patterns established at a time when belief and hope reigned high and rekindle their power. If you want natural childbirth, and you get stuck, try the following; 1. Make sure you have the privacy and quiet required for the intense focus required of any serious artist. In other words, keep your door closed and noise and family and staff to a minimum. 2. Whatever you are doing, if you have been doing it for a time, do something different. Remember, your perception of time is very different then those around you. Take your cues from those you trust. 3. Keep your flame of intention high, your very deepest desire.  4. Let go of outcomes and stay present in the moment with your breath. It's such a dichotomy, but birth requires the perfect balance of yielding while moving towards a definitive goal.
5. Change happens in a moment. Never give up, until the very "sweet" end. Together, forever and our hearts, Maurene *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/
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 By: Maurene Merritt, RN Mary has just 5 minutes prior given birth to a beautiful baby girl. It is her second baby, and like her first, she wants to give birth without medication. I began care of her when she is already deeply drawn inside herself, 8 centimeters dilated with hefty contractions, coming every 2 minutes apart. I remember how strong they are, like the under toes in the ocean, that as a young girl I'd have to guard against being pulled in, lost in the abyss of what is big and unknown. It doesn't take Mary very long to open up her body and give birth, 40 minutes later with only 3 pushes. I'm watching her, she is sighing, with her sight glazed, gazing off into space. She has an easy, unblemished hold on her baby that is cradled in the soft part of her that now is shiny wet from the heat of labor. I perform my nursing tasks with an eye on their inner state. It's so heavy, childbirth but I know that there is deep satisfaction rendered from the experience, despite her body now collapsed into a heap of worn flesh.  I let the air settle, and softly, quietly approach her to inquire about her experience. I don't want to disrupt the subtlety that so easily can disappear with just the slightest hint of our more abrupt, unconscious side. There's a pause, and then she begins, "well, you have to get out of the way and let your body take over". I listen intently. I ask her about how she felt immediately after the birth. There is a pause. She interjects, "there are no words to describe it." I say, "can we try?" Another pause, longer this time. "elation". I'm delighted for her experience and then eager to share more of what I know about the nervous system and childbirth. Specifically, our nervous system function in patterns, and in order for us to embody a particular pattern, we must have the experience first, and then the pattern can make itself available to our perceptions. In the case of Mary, what is so remarkable is that her elation is independent of any outer circumstances. In fact, I believe that such elation is self born manifested from the rare, powerful inner experience of childbirth. This gives Mary the opportunity to shift her awareness to an infinite supply of the same joy, just waiting to be rediscovered.  Let me give you a more concrete example to help clarify this concept. Soon after a baby is born, a pediatrician will shine a small beam of light into their eyes with a cone shaped instrument. They are looking to see that the nerve pathway responsible for site is clear. A baby does not activate the nerve responsible for seeing until later on in infancy, and if there are any blockages in that pathway, the baby would be blind. This would occur because the experience (seeing) has to occur before the nerve activates that pattern. In the same way, consider that the joy that is our essential nature can only be perceived once we have the experience. I then asked Mary how she could help herself embody her elation? Her response of "remember the experience" was so perfectly aligned with our teachings, to continuously be drawn back to the details of our inner experiences.  I encouraged Mary to share her experience frequently to loved ones, friends, anyone who will be truly present for her. Too, I suggested writing because, like my teacher says, it will further help clarify and take the measure of the subtleties and intricacies of her experience.
I thanked Mary for being so courageous in her exploration of one of the most profound experiences in a woman's life. She has my blessings to search deeper into its essence. In love and light, Maurene *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/  By: Maurene Merritt, RN Skye Harrington sits, beaming brightly at the center of our circle. She eventually comes around to sharing the sequence of events that led to birth. But it is obvious that her attention would rather be fully present for what is snuggled in her lap. Skye oozes the unmistakable joy and contentment that springs forth from someone who is obviously "in their element". So I wasn't surprised to hear that the first words out of Skye's mouth were, "I know now I was born to be a mother." It's a high calling, to be in your element because according to the yoga scriptures of Kashmir Shaivism, being in your element means being balanced in the 5 elements that make up the universe. They are, from the most refined to the least, "ether", which may be easier understood as space, for if not for space, there would have been no room for the creation of us! "Air" is the second element, and we can know it through our breathe. "Fire" is the third and it is that part of us the burns or digests matter, the heat of passion to be enthralled, and the energy produced in the factory of each of our cells. The fourth is "water" and it actually makes up most of the content of our body. And last but certainly not least, "earth" which reflects our bones and their affinity to be moved down by gravity.  In the same scripture, relating to the elements perhaps in a different thread, there are 3 qualities that were extracted from nature (Prakriti) that help describe our ways of being in the world. We call these ever changing, evolving qualities Gunas, and they are, inertia or solidity (Tamas), dynamism or powerful movement (Rajas), and luminosity or lightness (Sattva). So back to Skye and her way of being with mothering, we call this kind of happiness Rajas because it moves in relation to her connection with her newborn. Actually I call it the Royal Rajas because for me, there has been simply no earthly experience that has come close to the intoxication felt in the first few months of giving birth. Nevertheless as grand and extolled as the experience was, eventually like all women, the world will catch up with us and draw our attention away from these rare, precious moments, fully immersed in love.  On a brighter note, although the experience is transient, can we be so inspired to know that such a state exists, and to hold it independent of our outer circumstances? We call this self born kind of happiness Sattvic, and it is at the very heart of our yoga practice because it is from this centered, still place that we have the opportunity to know what is immovable, constant, and eternal (Purusha).
In my next blog, we'll look to our asana practice to be more "in our element" so that we can be more Sattvic in our way of being in the world. In love and light, Maurene *reprinted with full permission from http://www.birthblessingsyoga.blogspot.com/  Being a parent, I feel I am constantly learning and trying new things. That's why I thought meditating regularly would teach me more about myself. By really committing to a meditation practice, I hope it will help me become a better person and therefore a better parent. I could never find time to regularly meditate aside from the occasional sessions here and there in the past so I would have to start with baby steps. It is nearly impossible these days with a toddler in tow to be be able to devote even a few minutes to something for myself but when I realized that there are some opportune moments in my day- the occasional afternoon nap (and thank goodness that she still naps now) and right before I go to bed. Mornings are pretty much out for me since my toddler wakes up at the crack of dawn practically but there are still minutes that I think I can sneak in some reflective time. I am starting this 28 day meditation challenge this month and while I dislike any type of challenge that can be done in a number of days or weeks I thought I'd give this a shot. I won't endorse any specific meditation practice since it is something I think most people should try to find comfortably themselves but my yoga instructor and mentor back in Brooklyn recommended Sharon Salzburg and I am reading her meditation book now. I still think it's more helpful to meditate with a local meditation group. With my limited time I find with these guided meditations and podcasts available online I could still start out with 5 minutes a day at home. Will meditating regularly make me a better parent? I can't tell for sure but perhaps it will offer me more patience and focus without distractions or clutter or just freedom to be more creative with my toddler. I'll keep posted on my foray into meditating and parenting in the coming weeks as I set out on this challenge.
~ Sung Bin |
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