"Giggle More, Worry Less: A Pediatrician's Thoughts for New Parents"
Book Review & Giveaway
​By: Amy

In today’s society when we are all so connected, Dr. Gregory Parkinson, M.D., reminds us to let go and live. Live for those moments filled with happy memories and turn not so happy ones into more enjoyable ones. These are the moments our children will remember and pass along to the next generation. “Keep your eyes on the prize”.

Throughout his book he gently reminds us who the Purple Hearts of Parenting are  and of the “heroism in parents, especially mothers, which is badly unrecognized in our society.”

Laughter, fun and giggling make life more enjoyable and are the best cure for sadness. Time is our most precious commodity.  Our children crave moments filled with family and laughter.  This is a precious gift.  

“Consumerism pushes us towards excess. Advertising exists for us to buy more. However, to buy more we need to work more, and to take part in more involved activities takes more time.”  Dr. Parkinson nails it with this statement in his book. There is just not enough time for it all, so we need to spend our time on what is truly important and not worry and stress over the less important things. At the end of the day when we are long gone, no one will be talking about how: "she always had all her laundry done...", "her house was so clean all the time...", "she always had the latest toys and gadgets...". Instead people will say: "she was a good mother/friend/sister.....", "remember when mom would bake cookies with us or run around in the leaves and mud puddles?". The important memories will linger and the less important will be forgotten.

He covers important topics such as time management reminding us after the day is broken down we are only left with 1/3 of the day showing us just how precious our time with our children truly is.  He also goes over other key things important to child health: things to look for; when to listen to your gut as you learn about your child; preparing the nest-everything from genetics to choosing the right pediatrician (qualities to look for); breastfeeding and more.

Dr. Parkinson breaks down and explains all possible situations in simple terms in order to prepare parents for both good things to come but also the possibilities and what it entails when there are obstacles to overcome such as child health problems, premature labor and more. His book is very open, straight forward and honest giving you the facts on it all and without judgement.

In today’s society women are given the impression that children, “spring  from the womb, leap to the breast and live happily ever after.”  This is a disservice.  It is hard, it takes time and patience and it is a skill that must be taught. Personally with my first child it took at least two months post birth to even begin to master breastfeeding and that was only due to my support group at Falmouth Hospital, great lactation consultants, a supportive pediatrician and tremendous patience and hard work on my behalf.  For me it was all worth it but I can remember the first few weeks feeling like a failure because I was struggling to feed my child when in reality it was a journey we had to work through and learn together.

“Giggle More, Worry Less” is a perfect book for any parent and especially new ones.  Dr. Parkinson does a fantastic job of covering all the important topics while showing us that we just need to relax and laugh (because what else can you do when your infant explosively poops on you while changing her?).  Life is too short to worry about every single little thing that could go wrong. Just hold your children close and enjoy all those moments! We highly recommend picking up a copy of this book for yourself or a friend. You will not be disappointed and it will gently remind you to just enjoy each moment even when you feel overwhelmed.

Now he doesn’t get to go fishing half as much as he would like to, but he still goes. I see that it’s important to him. It definitely makes him a happier person. It is how he relaxes.

Now for me as the Mom, I had two children and then rewrote the oldest story in the book. I was taking care of everyone else and neglecting myself. Slowly, I stopped going to yoga. Just “too busy” or when I would have the opportunity to go, i’d lay in my bed alone instead. Knowing it would be the only solid two hours that week of alone time.

Eventually you always hit a wall. You can’t take care of everyone else if you don’t reflill your own cup. I had practiced Bikram yoga for years and had benefited greatly physically. I was strong and energetic. But the mental benefits were even greater. Such stress relief. Teaching your body to effectively calm down. It’s a 90 minute open eyed meditation. The teacher talks and you move your body. You get to take time out of your crazy life to just focus on yourself in the mirror.

Therefore when Bikram Yoga Cape Cod sent out an email saying that they would be doing the first Teacher training in New England at my happy place, I knew what I had to do.  Fine, if I can’t make it my hobby, i’ll make it my job. My own health and wellness is that important to me. I had always wanted to go to the 9 week teacher training in LA, but at the same point in my life, I also really wanted to start a family.

Yet, here it was right down the street from me. So when opportunity strikes, you must jump on it. Yes, I have a 3&2 year old. Yes, I have a husband. Yes, I have a job.It would be the most amount of time I would spend away from my kiddos since I laid eyes on them. I knew they would support me though. All I'm doing is try to build the happy life that they deserve.


So I packed my lunch box and headed to yoga camp, 3 week immersion program. 9 am- 11pm every day. Sundays off to rest and hug my kids all day long.

I repeated, “we can do anything for 3 weeks.” to my husband over and over. Even though I think I was just saying it to myself.

With the help of my Dad who would drive two hours here every Monday to hang with the homies, a school they love, supportive in-laws,  and better friends than I deserve, I did it. If you want to read more about my training experience you can check it out here.

Successful Children 3 of 4
Signs of Success in Young Children
By Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation


The first post in this series focused on catering to the every need of our infant and baby.  

The second post in this series focused on the Parental Shift as we begin to show and to teach your little ones that they can capture the thunder by having the feeling of accomplishing something on their own.

In this third post, the focus is instilling awesome habits.

10 Habits of Successful Children Parents Can Instill

1. Sleep in the dark and quiet.  

Schedules are so variable these days with parents working opposite schedules or there being only one parent in the home.  In both of these cases, families are “just getting by” when it comes to getting everything done.  Healthy meals, family time and bedtime routines can become sketchy.  All too often, parents are just exhausted and are willing to lay down, and even fall asleep in their child’s bed, or just let it be if the child ends up in bed with them.  Sometimes, to avoid this in order to get the dishes done, or for the parents to go “off mommy/daddy duty” parents will put a TV in the child’s room, or a tablet, etc. and let IT lull the child to sleep.  In this case, we have children whose brain doesn’t learn to go into rest mode.  There is noise, often times the noise is topic related, rather than “white noise,” which means the child’s mind is at work on what they are hearing.  There is light, and not even steady dim nightlight light, but flickering light, which comes through even closed eyelids.  This is not good for children on so many levels


      2. Know how to laugh.

Children who have a good sense of humor, channeled appropriately are more fun to be around, bring people together, stimulate positive social interaction and are all around happier.  Happy children have more energy and more ideas.  We are not talking about the foolish, amoral laugh topics, such as Sponge Bob and we are not talking about children with disruptive laughter.  As parents, we need to encourage children to express themselves, but understand that we need to safeguard them from becoming overly silly at inopportune times.  That will drive people away.


      3. Learn to turn frustrations into curiosities.

A child who will try and try again is often this way by nature.  They are the child who you find in the hall trying to tie their shoes because they saw and another child tying their shoes.  Those who aren’t that way by nature, we as parents can help them develop this muscle.  By not always being in a rush, we can teach them that we have time to show them how to learn to tie their shoes.  When they are a bit slower at the dinner table, we will show them that it will all work out and we can encourage them along.  A child who can organized the game on the playground will be a successful child.


      4. Listen and observe others.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  ~James 1:19

It is good when we take time to be patient, good listeners to our children.  But that’s not enough.  We have to teach them by example AND by telling them and cuing them.  For some children this comes naturally, but other children need to be guided in the moment until they get a feel for the give and take of communication.


      5.  Never step over someone to get to where they want to be.

A child should be taught that everyone has a gift and something to offer and that they should never trample on another person’s idea or feelings.  Being patient and humble are excellent qualities to be imparting to our children.


      6.   Realize that presenting themselves well in dress, speech and manners will earn them more opportunities and open more doors.  

Back in “my day”…on Sunday we wore our Sunday best to church.  Now it isn’t uncommon to see people, young and old, wearing any old thing for clothes, tucked in or not, clean or not, and crocks on their feet.  I see young people who have no idea that they are even supposed to look their best when they go on a job interview, or to church.  Going to school, we wanted to look our best and weren’t even allowed to wear shorts.  A job interview may not matter for 10 years, but when these ideas have already been instilled, they come much more naturally.


        7. See failure not as a dirty word, but as an experience to learn from.  

The late Jim Rhon gave the following example; A guy sets a bar so high and says, who wants to jump over it?  Lots of people say, “No, I can’t jump that high.”  Some people say, “I’ll give it a try.”  They knock the bar over and go sit down.  A third group says, “I’ll give it a try!”  They knock it over and immediately get filled with new energy and motivation to try again with a different strategy!  


          8. Experience that being disciplined feels bad, but that the person who is disciplining them will help them grow out of the behavior that was disciplined and show them new ways of conquering things.  

Our children are going to make mistakes, we just don’t want to leave them there in the mistake.  We need to help them collect more tools in their toolbox. 


         9.  Learns how to use their imagination.  We see table and chairs, they see a fort.

Practice asking your child to think of “possibilities” in a situation.  We are always solving things for our children.  


         10.  Have an analog clock in the main area of the house and are taught how to tell time.

A child who doesn’t understand the passage of time and how to manage it is linked to the parent for everything.  This is one of those examples of “knowledge is power.”  Digital clocks should be banned from the child’s view.

What an amazing future lies ahead for your child!

Connecting with Your Child's Thoughts and Feelings
By Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation

Life happens.  Moments turn into hours, days into years.  While parents are mired down in matters as seemingly small as what’s for dinner, or large, as where is this month’s rent coming from, or glued to our social media, a whole world is being lived out in our children’s mind.

Our children may pass through one stage of development to the next, with something significant on their mind and we don’t even know about it.  In my office, often a child will be talking about something like when they first started checking light switches, or feeling sad, and upon further questioning, they will say, “It started when I had so-and-so for a teacher.  I was in Kindergarten.” Well they are in 3rd grade now!  What happened?  What was going on inside that young mind.

How many adults can remember back to something really significant in their childhood and now recall, “I didn’t tell anyone!”

Sometimes children do something “bad” such as break something or lie about something.  They know it was wrong but they feel too afraid to tell, leading them to have to try to forget about it or carry around the burden of guilt.

Then there is the devastating experience of a child being mistreated or used sexually, either by another child or by an adult.  When is the “opportune” moment for THE CHILD to tell someone???

It is the parents’ job to show the child trust and to teach the child how to share their inner joys as well as burdens.

1.     Timing is really important.  Trying to compete with your child’s electronic devise is not going to be helpful and neither will a lot of chaos or distraction.  Choose a time, unless there is a special reason to have siblings present, when you are alone with your child.  What makes your child happy?  Any bad mood can be turned around in my 9 year old by going for a walk on the beach or bike path.  Just “BE” together.  It might also be a good time when your child is doing something quite in their room.  Pop in for a visit.  A lot of children will think you are coming in to tell them to do something.  Just relax and show them they are who you want to spend the next 15 minutes with.

2.    Your mood is really important.  Particularly for those who didn't have a parent or other adult who was good at talking with them, it might not feel natural at all.  For some parents, certain stages are easier than others.  Lots of parents are good at kissing boo boos and giving hugs and sad face looks to our toddlers.  It might feel much trickier to respond to your 4th grader who has just come off the bus and looks angry or sad.  Whatever the case, approach from a place of feeling centered.  Take a few deep breaths, get a bit of fresh air, intentionally put your child on your mind and try to clear away any other distractions and just prepare yourself to feel relaxed and open.

Now for the Secret Tips!

Parents’ Oath….”I will not tell my child about these tips until they are a parent themselves and their child might benefit from them.”

3.     For young Star Wars fans, a father, sitting casually with their child says, in a low tone, “I feel a disruption in the force.”  Your young SW fan is going to have an immediate reference.  They aren’t going to be sure if you are joking or not.  You have just opened a door to your child’s inner thoughts.  Wait for it.  Your child might say, “What do you mean?”  A loving and attentive father knows that children have thoughts inside that need to come out, even if the child isn't aware of it.  You can continue along with the Star Wars theme, “Ah, a master knows things…”  “I can sense there is something that needs to come out…”  I’m not the Star Wars expert, but you get the idea.  At this point, you may get nothing.  You may get something later, because you have just planted the seed the door is open.  You may get something kind of typical that children experience.  You MAY get something that takes you by total surprise.

4.    Favorite food!  For example, Swedish Fish!  While sitting down to some delicious fish, start talking…”I love these fish!  They are so chewy!  The more I chew, the more I feel like talking about things.  In fact, I've had this thing on my mind for awhile (child appropriate…real life or based in a movie you have both seen, and yes, you could trade the Swedish Fish idea for celery).  In fact, let’s start calling these things ‘talking fish.’  Yeah, talking fish…I like that.”  Just get those jaws moving and get that child talking.  What comes out might have needed to come out for a long time.

5.    For an older child, such as 8th grade, maybe after a school dance, or any time really, you may say something like, “I understand there are some things happening in the 8th grade.  I’m interested in how you are feeling about it.”  If you are worried about not being completely honest, take it from me, right now, you are being honest.  “Some things” ARE happening in EVERY 8th grade and it may be talking about “making out,” smoking pot, drinking and even worse.  When you make that statement, you are telling the truth.  By 8th grade, kids know they are experiencing things that they “shouldn't” be experiencing.  They know they have at least one secret from their parents.  At this point they will most likely be on edge.  However, they should sense that you have not asked the question in an accusatory tone, but a tone that says, “I know things are going on in 8th grade.  I know that’s not your fault.  I want to be there for you as you experience things that will be challenging for you to figure out.”  Again, you might get nothing or you might get something that kicks you right back!  Take a breath and be present with your child.

6.    Your child may have been given a punishment/consequence for something recently.  OR they may have simply done something that upset the parents or required a talking to.  In one of these quiet times of connection, even if it is a week or a month later (depending on the issue), it can be raised again.  You may gently remind the child about what happened and say that you would like to talk about it again now.  Any new thoughts?  Now that time has gone by, how do you feel about it?  What was the most important thing you learned from it?

7.    You may start telling your child a story about yourself from childhood.  Choose something that is similar to something you know your child is going through, as if the two are not related and then ask, “I’m wondering if you have ever felt that way?”

Unless your child is glued to electronics (games, tv, handheld devices, etc.) there is always a world of thoughts swirling about inside their mind (another reason to limit electronics!).  Let it be your secret mission to be part of your child’s inner world.  The more you practice this and come up with your own methods of engaging, the better you will maintain your closeness with your child and the more they will feel that you've got their back, no matter what, whether they need to be supported with loves or limits, you've got them and you aren't going to let them fall harder than they have to.  The more distant you are from your child, the harder they will fall, always!

One word of caution; be very careful to NOT bond with your child at the expense of their relationship with their other parent.  If there are issues between the parents and one or both parent notices it is taking a toll on the child, agree to work together to help the child or to engage a professional to help the child or help both of you together to help the child.

By, Alexandra Crowley
Crybabysoup.org

Now that Daylight Savings has come and gone (#longestdayever), many of us moms dread the long winter days looming ahead. Well, I’m here to tell you, ladies, we are gonna celebrate, yo’!

And here’s a list of five reasons why:

1. Bust out the Fat Jeans: You know those “mom jeans” tucked away in the back of the closet? Pull them babies out to the forefront. Long gone are the summer days of muffin top-bearing tanks and low rise denim. Today, we can officially bust out the Biggies--mid-to-high risers, baggy and cozy. No one, except maybe the huz (#onagoodday), is seeing my trunk junk on the beach.

2. Drink Up Shamelessly: No need to wait ‘till five anymore. The rule that you can drink “when it’s dark out” fully applies now (or is that just my rule?). So you say it’s four? Well, it’s time to pour... It’s dinnertime! We feed those kids around five, so it’s all good and well to start busting out the Pinot Gris while preparing a meal…the French do it; so can we moms. (Note: It’s also fully acceptable  to down the grape juice when not preparing a meal…just sayin’).

3. The Children’s Museum: It’s cold out. We’re not throwing out eff bombs looking for beach parking and pulling wagons, and the kids are no longer raking the leaves (#inmydreams). But instead of going through the hell of putting on snow suits, hats, mittens, and boots, let’s rock on out at The Children’s Museum. It’s a built-in play date—just add water. Who says you need to make a plan with another mom? Just load up the kids, head on over and find a mom and her offspring there. One can be a full-on social pariah/sociopath…but at the museum? Everyone’s a winner! Caveat: Wear a Hazmat suit; germs are aplenty. The upside? If you want your kids to be exposed to chicken pox, you don’t need a sleepover with the carrier monkey—just take him to The Children’s Museum. He’s sure to get it there.

4. Screw Workouts: See above? That’s right. It’s cold out. So it’s a valid excuse to skip the jog. And if you’re a gym rat, well, then you also have an excuse: it’s hard to get there in the snow, and/or the wind chill is taking its toll on the air pressure in the car tires (#reallythetiresaroundmywaist). However, you can sport yoga pants all day and appear to have gone to the gym, because they’re not like wearing sweats or pajamas—no one’s gonna judge.

5. Television: Speaking of judging, it’s kind of gross to plant your kids in front of a show on a warm, sunny day. But when it’s snowing? Eff that! Pop some corn and plant the tots. It’s movie day (not just movie hour…movie day). It’s totally okay to exploit the wonders of television when it’s winter. Nick Jr.? He’s no longer your cousin Nick’s son. He’s your BFF.

The Role of a Parent in a Shifting Culture
By Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation

October 22, 2014 marked the issuing of medical marijuana cards, including “hardship cultivating” permissions, to your neighbors and mine here in Massachusetts.

As of April 2014, 23 states in the United States have legalized marijuana for some level of recreational and/or medical use.

According to well-known researchers, such as The Pew Research Center as well as votes cast at the polls, over half of the US population favors ideas like legalization of marijuana and decriminalization of use and possession.

Conversely, just over half polled indicated that they would be bothered by public use of marijuana.  Many argue about issues like the “gateway drug” issue, increased use in children and such as encouraging a culture of “burn-outs.”

Marijuana has been around for a very long time.  There is a considerable amount of research about this substance.  Issues have been studied such as it relates to treating; nausea and vomiting, HIV/AIDS, pain, neurological problems, cancer, dementia, diabetes, epilepsy, glaucoma, Tourette syndrome and others.

Marijuana (Cannabis) is classified as a Schedule I Controlled Substance, meaning, it is in the schedule classified as “the most dangerous class of drugs with a high potential for abuse and potentially severe psychological and/or physical dependence.” ~DEA Drug Schedules

While adults debate these issues, vote on them and conduct research, and laws change, families…parents, are left with the tall task of how to handle the real-time/real-life impact of views on marijuana with their children.

In order for parents to address this issue in their home, as it comes up or ahead of the curve, parents need to carefully analyze their own opinion, experiences and beliefs about marijuana. The same needs to be done with topics involving other drugs (prescribed and illicit), alcohol, sex and any other important issue that faces your children.

Back to my opening sentence, about licenses being issued for “hardship cultivating” and buying.  In real-time, what does this look like for families?  I can tell you first-hand, based on some of the work I do in my private practice.

·         The child may become naturally inquisitive about the parent’s new interest in plants.

·         What should the parent call the plant?

·         At what age is it obvious to the child what kind of plant it is?

·         Is it a secret?

·         What if mom/dad has a “card?”  Is it a secret then?

·         Mom/dad is smoking parts of that plant.  Is that a secret?

·         Mom/dad is making “special butter” with parts of that plant.  Can I use the butter?  I wonder what will happen if I eat the butter?

·         What should I tell my friends if they come over and ask about the plant, or the butter?

·         Mom/dad is smoking part of that plant and they make me go outside.  I’m tired of having to go outside every day after school.

·         Mom/dad is smoking part of that plant and I breathed in some of the smoke and now I feel funny.  What’s happening to me?

·         Should mom/dad be driving me after she/he smokes?

·         Mom/dad looks/acts different after they smoke.  It makes me feel uncomfortable.  They have a “card” though. 

I could go on and on about what this issue brings into my office, and not just from “those” people, but from children like yours and children like the children that your children are best friends with.

Alcohol is an enormous problem and drugs even more so.  But this issue of marijuana is on such a fine line because it falls into so many opposing categories depending on the person and the circumstances; potentially good for you, potentially bad for you, illegal, legal, right, wrong, secret, open, shameful, entitled….

This is my concern.  Set aside all of the controversy and look just at the impact within the family.  Study after study shows that parents are the most influential force on their children when it comes to beliefs, morals and values. 

I implore each of you to think this topic through, and think it through again and again.  Just because a law has been passed, or because licenses are being given out, or because people can legally “light up” and partake of the psychoactive and physiological effects does not mean you as a parents have think a certain way.  You are the rudder in the turbulent sea of the culture.  Just because “most” people (more than 50%) are doing it or believe in it, doesn’t make it right, or at least we can say, it doesn’t make the matter a simple one.

Just a few points to remember;

·         It is shown again and again that parents have a much greater influence on their children’s belief system than parents give credit to.

·         The longer a child goes without being exposed to drugs and alcohol, the less likely they will be to develop their own addiction at a later time.

·         The longer a child delays experimentation with drugs or alcohol the more likely they are to avoid addiction at a later time.

·         Studies show that a child’s brain continues to develop well into their 20s.  Exposing developing brains to foreign substances, including drugs and alcohol has consequences that are not fully understood, but common sense dictates that a developing brain should be given the best possible chances for full and healthy development.

·         There are many answers to every problem.  To see a drug as THE answer to a problem is very short-sighted and indicates low level thinking, NOT the kind of thinking we want to instill in our children.

May you be blessed by many opportunities in the car, around the dinner table, and lots of others to experience joy and connection to your amazing children!

Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation

By: Corinne Cameron

I am always interested in how people organize their lives. I figure most households are similar in that there are never enough hours in the day and there is always “something” that doesn’t get accomplished. And of course there are the different types of priorities and their importance really depends on the person they are benefiting, correct?

It isn’t until you sit down and either take the time to mentally put together all that is on your plate, journal it or have a blog you need to write, when you realize that that “plate” keeps growing. When it goes from a dessert plate to a bread then small dinner and finally large dinner plate, you realize that no matter the size, eventually the table is going to get filled too. As parents, we are always challenged with putting things in order of priority because, like it or not, a “day” only consists of 24 hours and some of those precious hours need to be devoted to sleep.

It's actually rather interesting to think, as the rhythm of your day unfolds, that something that was, for example, #3 on your priority list can so easily get pushed further and further down as other more “important” things arise and take its place. The way we personally rank our priorities is due to many things: the way we grew up, morals, health, outlook on life etc... Even in this new world of social media where we now know way more about the day to day of our “friends” lives than ever before, it doesn’t mean people post everything.  I find sometimes that we, as women, tend to judge others for those decisions without knowing the complicated individual filter each person has. If I could with this post impress any one thing on other mothers (or fathers) out there, it would be that 'your priority list is your own and don’t let anyone make you feel different.'

So I ask, how do you choose to organize yourself? Do you write lists? How do you determine what goes on the list? Is it just the major things or do you put every last thing down like “folding the laundry”. Do you have the same routine everyday for the normal things? I realize that my organization is very unstructured. Maybe that is my problem; if I actually wrote things down and had a sense of order, maybe I wouldn’t over schedule myself, wait until the last minute to accomplish things or downright forget to do things like cleaning out the little one's ears at bath time.

On the other hand, as a director, I am very structured. I write out lists to make sure everything gets done. I create timelines to ease my stress level and I am usually prepared way in advance for things like auditions, rehearsals, blocking, choreography etc.. So why can’t I do this for my life in general? Well, maybe it’s because life with a toddler is an ever-changing adventure? Who knew something so small could throw a huge monkey wrench in your day in a blink of an eye!

Even though I don’t write things down and forever feel unorganized in daily life, we do have a nice rhythm of our day and certain small routines that always happen. They tend to make life a lot easier such as always putting Remy’s shoes and socks on right before we are ready to leave the house, while he is sitting on “the shoe bench” (which is actually a wooden storage piece for our throw blankets). It works great! Saying “Remy go to the shoe bench to get ready” signals him to run over and sit cutely waiting on the bench with his infectious smile and giggle due to the excitement of our impending outing. We also have great routines for nap, bath and bedtime that make each “activity” go off without a hitch. Ok why did I feel the need to put “activity” in quotes? Well I guess sleeping is an activity, just a low energy one and my bizarre nature felt the need to separate the word in some way..but, I digress….

Moving on...I recently learned that despite the best of intentions of getting things done and moving things up on my mental list of importance,  life can always throw a curveball. These curveballs can be small or large, but change life in some way. My family has kind of had many good sized curveballs thrown out there as of late which has made life a lot more..umm… let's say 'complicated' for lack of  better term. Without detailing everything as it would take many pages to do so, I'll give a brief glimpse of what has changed my normal priority list which I will try to write in a short paragraph. Ok try to read this like one of those fast commercials that are done in improper English...

Dad doesn’t feel well, collapses, gets taken to the ER. Has his second brain bleed and is in Mass General for a while, then 2 rehabs, then home in time for Turkey Day. Mom, my hubby and I need to learn to care for him as he is now paralyzed on his right side and you really can't understand 70% of what he says. Aides, therapists and nurses in and out of their house, has another stroke and back in hospital, then a week of rehab, gets sprung for a day for Christmas and then discharged for New Year's. Only child, me, takes on caring for him 3 days a week while trying to reschedule Remy’s school and early intervention appointments. Hubby’s car on the fritz and down to one car and need to get him to and from work every day. Mom herniated a disk so Hubby, Remy and I pack up and move in for 5 days to care for them both. Keeping their house clean as it's on the  market (anyone want a nice three bedroom in Brewster??) while searching for a new house for us all to live.. Holidays, dental appointments (I'll write in my next post that I'm actually toothless right now and awaiting new teeth) MRI’s (for my own complicated medical picture), re-evals for Remy's early intervention due to delayed speech, quality time with the twins and the stomach plague hits both hubby and me for 4 days! Arggh!!

Phew.. Ok do I really need to explain more why I haven’t written in a while? Needless to say, life has changed a bit and is continually going to change until we all move and settle. It's both stressful and also exciting at the same time! I grew up with my grandmother in my home and it was great. I really love that Remy will have access to my parents on a daily basis.

Oh yeah, what I failed to mention, until now,  is that I was also charged with directing the entertainment for a fundraiser at Buzzards Play Productions for the theatre department. I plan to write a whole piece on this unique and awesome live venue in the future. Anyhow… between all that was going on, I lost my pianist for the night and in typical Corinne fashion was lucky to find one with a week left to go. I had two rehearsals scheduled for this past week and guess what? Yeah, one of them was on Blizzard Tuesday (the only day the pianist could come) so apparently mother nature didn’t want it to happen. Luckily the pianist (who has never done musical theatre) was able to come for 2 hours on our Thursday rehearsal. We didn’t get through all the music, including one piece that the two actors didn’t know! So they (the pianist and the actors) learned it an hour before the performance.

Ok shameless gushing coming…. One of those actors was my talented husband. The show went off without a hitch. As I watched everyone perform the different numbers I was in awe.. It started off with a “flash mob style” of doing “Seasons of Love” from the musical Rent. Rent was the first musical done at the venue so some of the cast came and joined the recent cast of The Rocky Horror Show to sing the song and it was beautiful! We did some numbers from “Rocky” including my hubby’s solo of “I’m Going Home”. I was standing off to the side of the stage holding a very tired Remy. He goes up, towering over the mic with his 6’6” frame and decides not to use it… he opens his mouth and the house was silent. The only possible thing that could have potentially been heard other than his beautiful voice was me getting choked up and starting to cry a bit.

It wasn’t just his voice that did it (although it was warranted), it was everything that I have just been writing about coming to a head. Even with all the trials and tribulations of life and major curveballs, there was time to just sit back and relax for a moment and beam with pride on behalf of the talent that assembled to support not only the arts but the venue in real need of a financial boost.

What is you escape activity? If you don’t have one, consider theatre… it will give more back to you then I could ever express on paper!

OK, nap time is over so off I go, go, go!

by Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS

It’s not necessarily about how you handle one specific situation or the next, it’s more of a mindset, one that demonstrates intelligence, responsibility and character. 

Mixed messages and being wishy-washy only leaves our children having to decide in each specific experience if it is ok or not. 

Each parent has to decide what message they want to send their child about drugs. 

 

1.     You must live a life that is congruent with the things that you are telling your child.  It doesn’t work to say, “Don’t be a smoker like me.”  It doesn’t work to say, don’t take drugs and then make a family joke about how mommy (or daddy) can’t “deal” until their second cup of coffee.

2.     Multigenerational back up.  If you have parents or grandparents that are “old school” about not going to the doctor and not taking medication, encourage them to find ways to talk about this with your child.  Alternatively, you can talk with your child about how Grandpa never goes to the doctor and never takes medicine. 

3.     If you are going to partake recreationally and/or to excess– hide it for as long as possible.  Give your children the gift of being able to tell their friends, “I didn’t grow up being exposed to drugs and alcohol.”  “My mom (dad) doesn’t……”

4.     When your child gets a fever, reach for the cold compresses, lavender pillows, favorite movie, blanket and pillow.  Teach your child that there are things they can do when they feel miserable with illness besides take medicine.  Give them opportunities to practice this.  If they are due for their dose of children’s Tylenol or cough medicine at 6 pm, teach them that it will serve them much better if they take it right before going to bed.  No one promised any of us a life without suffering.  Teach them that they can get through the difficult 2 hours.

5.     Explain that each of us have been given a body that is leap years beyond any machine that humans have designed. Teach them that their uncomfortable fever is doing an important job.  Teach them that their body works in miraculous ways every minute of every day to keep the constant bombardment of germs and toxins from making them sick.

6.     Be wise about reaching for antibiotics and do the research on antibacterial hand lotion.  Do not withhold medicine from your child when they are sick.  I myself am guilty of waiting too long to go to the doctor and ending up with a respiratory infection that was much too hard to cure.  But be careful about sending a message that the going to the doctor is the answer.

7.     Consider behavioral, sensory and emotional intervention and seek professional support extensively prior to any trial of medication, ESPECIALLY with children.  Despite how these meds are being promoted, there really are not conclusive longitudinal studies available yet with many of them.  But aside from that, there are alternatives.  Seek them thoroughly.  I have already seen the shift with countless teens and adults who wholeheartedly believe that there is something wrong with their biology and they need meds.  Children who get the message early on that their mood and focus needs to be altered chemically are set up for challenges later on.

8.     Whether a child is physically sick or emotionally distraught, look to the FIVE senses.  The changes that happen in the brain when we smell a sent that is beautiful to us, or touch something that feels wonderful, or listen to something that sounds heavenly are well documented.  Teach your child to “change their state with their senses.

9.     How many ways can you think of to have fun?  When we teach children about good, healthy entertainment, they have a much better chance of becoming teens that seek good, healthy entertainment.  Children that experience entertainment through video games and TV will be more likely to expect to receive this passive entertainment.

10.                        Be careful of the attitude, “everyone is doing it.”  Whether we are talking about meds for our “ADHD” child or marijuana smoking for our 15 year old,  everyone is NOT doing it, and neither does your child have to.

11.                        Even though your child might be 16, you still have the right to have expectations and set limits.  They want to get their license?  You are perfectly within your rights to go to CVS and buy the drug testing kit.  IF they test positive, then NO, they should not be driving and you should NOT be signing their application for their driver’s license.  If they have their license already and are testing positive, yes, you can take away the car keys, until they test negative, even if it’s their car.  Your job as parent isn’t done yet and they do have to follow your expectations, if you actually expect them to.

12.                        Talk to them.  Does your child seem “off?”  Keep the dialog open.  Maybe this is a little off topic, but I will never forget this experience.  I was working for DCF (formerly DSS) and sitting at the kitchen table with a mom that was reported for being passed out intoxicated while caring for her children.  She was sober when I was with her at her.  Her daughter (elementary age) got off the bus and came in the house sad.  Her mom lovingly asked how her day was and since she looked sad, asked if she was ok.  The young girl opened up about how she had been teased on the bus.  Her mom sincerely said, “I’m so sorry that happened.” She gave her daughter a hug and asked her to tell her about it.  The girl opened up.  ~That’s an anti-drug campaign right there!  Teach a child to open up and share their feelings.  Give them the time and space and attention to let them know that you really care.  The mom didn’t need to fix it for her.  She needed to validate her feelings.  A job well done by a mom who was drowning her own feelings in the bottle.

13.                         Do everything possible to keep your marriage strong.  The research is clear that children of divorce are more vulnerable to difficulties with drugs and alcohol.

14.                        Keep all medication secure.  People are robbing houses to get to meds.  Teens and even children are looking in their parents/friend’s parents medicine cabinet for drugs.  Consider WHICH meds your feel need to be secured and secure them.  Buy an “ammo can” or other suitable, lockable case.  But furthermore, tuck it away in a closet somewhere that the kids won’t even be asking, “What’s in that box?”  Not that I’m generally classifying these things together, but use the box for other things that the children should not have access to; sex toys, “adult” movies and video games, books, etc.  Don’t create a situation for yourself where you have to explain.

15.                        Set a pattern of family dinners and keep them going.  Studies show that children that experience pleasant meals and interaction during family dinners are less likely to use drugs and alcohol (or engage in sex).

16.                        Know your kids friends and their parents.  Make it clear to other parents, “You see my kid doing the wrong thing, I want to know about it!”  A wise friend once said, “I don’t expect that my kids aren’t going to do the wrong thing, I just pray that they get caught quickly.”

17.                        I’m going to throw up!  Teach your child that they always have your permission to stand up for what is right, but that sometimes it is hard.  If they find themselves in one of those hard spots and don’t know how to get out of it, tell them that it is one of the only times they have your permission to lie.  Tell their friends, “I don’t feel so good.  I think I’m going to throw up.  I better call my mom/dad.”

18.                        Get your child involved in Scouting.  Studies show that youth who are or once were involved in Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts are less likely to use drugs and alcohol than their peers who were not involved.

19.                        Keep the dialog going.  Start early talking to your children about their amazing brain and their amazing body.  Encourage them to take good care of it.  From the fact that they get practice teeth and for the rest of their life teeth, to the foods on their plate, the number of jumping jacks they can do and the academic progress they are making…praise them and praise their body and mind.

20.                        It will never lead to something good.  When examples present themselves, as they will, of the destructive effects of drugs and alcohol, use them as opportunities for straightforward discussions.  It’s not good to be wishy-washy OR silent on these matters that we know our children are witnessing.

I hope you have taken at least a couple of things from this list of 20 that you can focus on and use more actively.  You may have more ideas.  Please post them for all of us here.

If I can be of any assistance with issues like this in your life, please contact me.  As I said in my last post, I am not anti meds for children.  But I will say, I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve as alternatives to meds.  I have helped a great many families stabilize difficult behavioral and emotional symptoms over just a 6 week period.

****I am not a physician or medical professional.  None of the advice here should be construed as medical advice or take the place of a visit to your doctor where called for.

Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS

If you would like more information or a consultation, please go to  www.tracylamperti.com. 

Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant

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774-722-5919