 By: Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS Why Doesn’t the Child Tell Someone? (4th of 7 posts on child sexual abuse prevention) 73% of child victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least a year. 45% of victims do not tell anyone for at least 5 years. Some never disclose (Smith et al., 2000; Broman-Fulks et al., 2007). WHY? Ø The child was “groomed” so well that they didn’t even know that they were being sexually abused. (see last week’s post about “grooming.”) Ø The boundaries are so loose in the child’s life that things were allowed to happen without the child realizing it wasn’t appropriate; showering together, witnessing adults having sex, being exposed to pornography or even milder sexual images. Ø More often, sexual abuse does not physically hurt the child. If the offender caused physical pain child would be more likely to have observable symptoms and the child would be less likely to come near the offender. Ø Parents are busy and even very good parents can leave their child with someone who gives them a “gut feeling” that something isn’t right, whether that is a relative or paid provider. Ø It is hard for parents to speak up about things that are wrong. How much harder can it be for a child? Ø As parents may fear that others will see their concerns as ridiculous, children fear that they might be wrong, get in trouble, or not be believed and even worry that the offender might get in trouble. Ø When abuse has occurred more than a few times, the child might feel guilty. Since they didn’t say something the first time, they must have wanted to do it and feel they have to keep the secret now. These are just some of the reasons that children do not tell. Remember, most offenders are “Tricky People.” Most offenders know that in order to get what they want, they need to play their cards right by choosing the right family, the right child, the right words, the right locations, the right times, the right tricks.  Next week I will address the epidemic of juvenile offenders. Please, if these informational posts are triggering you because sexual abuse has touched your life in a personal way, now is the time to seek assistance. “IT IS THE SILENCE THAT POISONS OUR FAMILIES” (Former Miss America, Marilyn van Derbur, Stewards of Children) I urge every parent to take this training or call me directly for assistance. Between my services, other qualified professionals, Children’s Cove, Independence House, and others, every adult; parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle….should be trained, along with EVERY person providing any level of care to a minor. This is an empowerment program, not a paranoia or scare based program. Even given the numbers of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexually abused before their 18th birthday, it is important to keep a sense of perspective. While we have to keep in mind that there are offenders in the local community, the vast majority of people do not sexually abuse children. Our #1 defense and method to keepchildren safe in our community is to begin to talk about CSA and educate ourselves about CSA. It is an adult responsibility to protect children from sexual abuse! Click here for testimonials from Cape Cod parents and professionals who took this training with Tracy Lamperti. Thursday, May 9th, 6-9pm $25 per person Location to be announced – central to Orleans
By Tracy Lamperti,
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 It is SO important to teach your child about "good touch/bad touch," trusting their instincts and what to do if they feel uncomfortable. BUT, it is NOT your child's responsibility to protect themselves from being sexually misused by someone. It is an adult responsibility! Equip yourself with the knowledge to address this difficult topic with confidence. Sign up for the next Stewards of Children training: Click here for testimonials from Cape Cod parents and professionals who took this training withTracy Lamperti.
Ø Is your child 3 months old and you are forced to return to work and choose a day care setting? Ø Is your child 3 years old and entering preschool? Ø How about a 5 year old entering grade school? Or an 8 year old starting piano lessons? Ø Maybe a 12 year old going to summer camp? Ø Or a 15 year old going away for the weekend with a church youth group? Ø Are you a caretaker of OTHER people’s children who hasn’t taken an evidence-based training? Don’t let any more time go by. You WILL encounter this topic at some point. Why not equip yourself NOW! Stay Tuned for my next 7 weeks of blog posts. They will all cover one aspect of child sexual abuse. By Tracy Lamperti, Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant Please see www.tracylamperti.com for more information about working with children and families or specifically about sexual abuse.
If you would like 1:1 assistance, please contact Tracy Lamperti for a consultation. Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant My Blog My Website lamperticc@gmail.com 774-722-5919  Join me in welcoming the newest addition to our Cape Cod Mommies Advisor Team: Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS! We look forward to her blogs and expertise!!! Tracy holds a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and has a private practice in Orleans. Tracy is committed to helping to strengthen marriages and families who in turn contribute to a healthy and safe community. She provides psychotherapy to all ages, offers educational services such as parenting support, sexual abuse prevention and safety training, and consultation services for tough community issues. Tracy is married with two children and has lived most of her life on Cape Cod. Tracy Lamperti has always valued prevention of family, personal and social issues and as such, has enhanced the number of professional offerings over the last few years to include a variety of trainings and workshops. These offerings are mostly centered around safety trainings, prevention of crimes against children and adults, parenting issues and sexual integrity for youth and adults. Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS dba Lamperti Counseling & Consultation Boardwalk Commons 57 Route 6A Orleans, MA 02653 774-722-5919 lamperticc@gmail.com www.tracylamperti.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lamperti-Counseling-Consultation/205305462892981 Degrees Bachelor of Psychology Master of Counseling Psychology Licenses Mental Health Counselor, LIC #4195 1996-2002 Massachusetts Licensed Social Worker #3027123 Certifications Authorized Facilitator, Darkness to Light, Stewards of Children Authorized Trainer, National Rifle Association's, Refuse to Be a Victim Healthy Sexuality Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress Rape Crisis Counselor Early Childhood Education Memberships American Association of Christian Counselors New Life Counseling Ministries American Association of Experts in Traumatic Stress   I was pretty disgusted last week when I heard about the story of the latest sex RE-offender on Cape Cod. Yes, RE-OFFENDER!! He was classified as only a level 2, guess the risk should have been put much higher before he was let out, especially since he reoffended with a child! I immediately checked the stats in my local town, saw the latest additions as well as noted that my town on Cape got a big THUMBS DOWN from Family Watchdog in terms of forcible rape. I was very disappointed to see this stat. I also noticed we had an awful lot of offenders who has done their act on minor children. This got me thinking.......
In Massachusetts, Level 2 and Level 3 offenders are only required to register with the local police department and those individuals' names, addresses and pictures are then made available to the public. Only Level 3 Offenders are available to view online. To see Level 2 offenders, you will have to contact your local PD Department. Any restrictive conditions placed upon sex offenders are imposed by a judge under terms of probation or by the parole board. Massachusetts currently has fairly skimpy laws when it comes to sex offenders. Some states like California, bar the offenders from surfing at piers, visiting parks, or even casting fishing lines. These are called Child Safety Zones and in effect, ban sex offenders from being anywhere near where children congregate. They are barred from libraries in only half a dozen Massachusetts cities. Half a dozen?!?!?! How about the hundreds of others across the Commonwealth???? After further research I discovered that a just small number of cities and towns actually have local ordinances in place to restrict sex offenders from schools, parks, children's camps, elderly faciities, etc. Currently, only about 20 cities and towns in the Bay State have enacted "sex offender-free zones" or "child safety zones" or otherwise placed restrictions on where convicted Level 3 sex offenders can live in a community. And many of those laws have been challenged in the court system on constitutional grounds. Massachusetts has not joined the approximately two dozen states that have adopted similar statewide laws since 1996, according to information from the Council of State Governments, thereby leaving that work to local officials. Opponents have dismissed “child safety zones” as unenforceable, saying they are designed to make politicians look tough on crime and drive sex offenders from the area, not make children safer. “These are cheap laws that can be passed to make people feel good,” said Charles P. Ewing, author of “Justice Perverted: Sex Offense Law, Psychology, and Public Policy.” Personally I disagree!!! As parents of course we knonw that an ordinace or law is NOT a guarantee of our children's safety however if there is no rule, regulation or law then what happens when they target a child in that area! At least then they can get an added charge of violating another law! At the very least mandate Child Safety Zones for level 2 and 3's!!! I understand many Level 1's may have urinated in public or just made a stupid mistake versus torturing a small child/raping someone, etc. Discretion would obviously have to be used. The most recent battle over this issue has taken place in the city of Lynn, which is home to 64 registered Level 3 sex offenders, according to the state registry board. Lynn officials had discussed adopting an ordinance since at least 2009. After implementing the law, five Level 3 offenders filed suit and are being represented by the American Civil Liberties Union of Massachusetts, according to the Daily Item of Lynn. The most recent iteration of the law prohibits Level 2 and 3 sex offenders from living within 1,000 feet of schools, daycare centers, parks or playgrounds. Those who live within the "exclusion zones" are required to move or else face a fine of $300 per day. Part of the plaintiffs' argument in that case is that the "exclusion zones" cover most of the geographic area of the city and nearly all its available housing. THEN MOVE!!!!! Don't we as parents have the RIGHT to raise our children in a safe community?!?!?! Why should they get to decide, they broke the law!!!! And after the whole Massachusetts Parole Board issue (5 Parole Board Members Resign), I don't trust any of those people to make sound judgements went it comes to my child. At least Meliss'a Bill was finally passed this summer though, so we are making baby steps forward! Google has finally got on board with a Sex Offender App! Way to go Google! Now we can see where offenders are located! It is for for anyone with an Android or IPHONE. It uses your GPS to show you not only which offenders are in your immiditae area, but also pops up a picture and offense history! I have only used it for the past few days and it is a useful app to have, though some reviews of the app said it does not locate all offenders. There is also a Cape Cod Mother's Protection Group on Facebook! It is newly formed and it is an online venue for moms on Cape to help create change in terms of the laws here in the Commonwealth! Visit their group for more details! https://www.facebook.com/groups/273027046136268/ What do YOU think about this controversial topic? We want our readers to sound off below! Share your thoughts an opinions on the subject, we welcome them all, all we ask is that you please just be respectful of all views :) Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like you are in a movie. I had one yesterday. My family and I headed out around 10am to drive to VT to visit his family. We detoured to Falmouth to visit my Mother who recently had surgery.
We got through Boston and all was going well when it happened. And here it was a moment I felt like I was living in a movie. Our rear driverside tire blew out an we lost control. Our car spun around on 93 north across 4 lanes of traffic on the busiest travel day of the year. I remember being terrified. I remember think things like this dont happen to me. I remember thinking Oh My God my babies!! As we reached the breakdown lane we hit the guard rail and our car flipped onto it's side. What seemed like hours was seconds! People surrounded our car! My kids were screaming. The baby slept through the whole crash! I was trapped in the passenger seat because of my seatbelt. I finally got undone by pushing myself up on the steering column. By then the police had arrived and they helped me go out through the tailgate of my van. There standing on the side of the high were my children with complete strangers who stopped to help! And here is the amazing part of it all. No one had even a scratch on them. Our car was on its side on the highway and my children were completely unharmed! And this is where my PSA is, the reason my children walked away without a scratch and my husband and I walked away without a scratch is because of proper seatbelt and carseat use!! The baby (14 months today) was rear facing in his Graco Myride. My 5 year old daughter was 5 pt harnessed in her Britax marathon and my 6 year old was in a Recaro Vivo high back booster! I do not follow the minimums for car seat safety! I make sure my children do not have bulky coats on and I adjust straps every time I put them in their seats. So please remember your Children deserve to be safe!! And so do you, set the example by always wearing your seat belts.  This was one of the things I was most confused about when I became a mom. On one hand, you want your child's toys to be clean and disinfected. On the other hand, you don't want to use harmful chemicals and cleaners on the toys that will be going right into your baby's mouth!
Did you know, according to some experts, that plain old white distilled vinegar is effective in killings bacteria and germs? Apparently white distilled vinegar has been a household cleaner for many generations. Some of the other many uses of vinegar are toilet bowl cleaning, refridgerator cleaning, window cleaning, garbage disposal deodorizer and much more! It looks like you can throw out all of your other cleaners and use vinegar for almost everything! For baby toys, I usually mix one part vinegar and one part hot soapy water. Check out the Heinz Vinegar website for cleaning ideas with vinegar. http://http://www.heinzvinegar.com/tips/kitchen-tips Also, VinegarTips, 1001 ways to use vinegar http://http://www.vinegartips.com/Scripts/pageViewSec.asp?id=7 Happy Cleaning! We are in the midst of summer fun and with that comes responsibility for making sure our precious little ones remain safe. It isn't a surprise that this season is also nick named "ER" season. More emergencies happen in these short 3 months then any other time of the year. Most of these emergencies are preventable with the proper precautions! As the saying goes, "Children drown without a sound" couldn't be more haunting and more true. It only takes a few inches of water and few seconds for a child to drown. We as parents can prevent this unfortunate event with a few short safety rules known as the "ABC'S of Pool Safety". This fabulous article is often provided in many First Aid classes, and so as it is the season for swimming... I would like to share them with you.
A- Adult Supervision
Taking the proper precautions to ensure your child's safety is one of the most important steps you can take this summer. If ever you can't find your child, first place you should look is the body of water. Hopefully no one you know will have to encounter such a tragedy as a drowning, but by following these easy steps you can be sure your child will be safe this summer. Heather  Thought I would post the upcoming schedule via the American Red Cross in Hyannis of the CPR classes! Maybe some of us can take them together! These classes are for CPR/AED Adult plus Child and Infant. Please go to http://www.capecodandislandsredcross.org/ to register!
Certification Classes July 26 6-8:30pm $90 August 9 6-8:30pm $90 August 15 9:30-12pm $90 August 25 3:30-6pm $90 Review Classes July 29 9-12pm $70 August 16 6-9pm $70 August 31 6-9pm $70 Sept 13 6-9pm $70 Sept 26 6-9pm $70 Hi Moms-
I thought I'd share with you an important article I found written by Dennis Thompson with Health Day regarding babyproofing medicine cabinets. Here is an excerpt from the article- "Medications tend to be more accessible to children than other toxic substances in the home, poison control experts said. And, parents tend to place too much faith in child-resistant caps and other safeguards. "Normally what occurs when someone is taking medicine on a chronic basis, they'll leave it out," said Jay L. Schauben, a pharmacist and director of the Florida Poison Information Center in Jacksonville, Fla. "Any pills left out are within the grasp and reach of a child. Some of the medicine can look like candy. Some of the cough syrups are flavored and taste good. You can sort of see how that would be a disaster waiting to happen." The medications children overdose on most often are the over-the-counter drugs ubiquitous to American households, said Edward Krenzelok, a pharmacist and director of the Pittsburgh Poison Center at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. Nearly 10 percent of all poisonings in children 5 years old or younger involve common analgesics, according to the annual data report of the American Association of Poison Control Centers. "The most common medication anyone's going to have around the home is a non-prescription pain reliever," Krenzelok said. Ointments and creams, cough and cold remedies, vitamins, antihistamines and products for gastrointestinal distress cause another 21.5 percent of pediatric poisonings. Part of the problem, the experts agree, is that people tend to not treat over-the-counter medications as something that could cause harm in young children. "They figure if they didn't need a prescription or got it from a pharmacist, it must be safe," Schauben said. "They are more apt to leave it out or have a lot more leeway leaving it on the counter." This can lead to a child overdosing because, for instance, the child comes across medication and figures it's a treat. "A 3-year-old may see two really pretty tablets on a counter and think they are candy, like M&Ms or Skittles," Krenzelok said. Younger children also can be inadvertently poisoned by medications within their reach simply because little kids tend to put things in their mouths. "They're sampling their environment," Krenzelok said. "They have a lot of hand-to-mouth activity. They constantly put things in their mouths. If you put a pen down and a 16-month-old wanders over, what are they going to do? They're going to put the pen in their mouth." To protect children, all medications -- prescription and over-the-counter -- should be kept in a locked cabinet, out of the reach of kids, Schauben said. Avoid keeping any medications on counters or nightstands, even if the drugs are in child-resistant containers." Click the link below to see the full article. http://consumer.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID=635101 ***Child safe cleaning supplies!!!!!***
From Money Talks News: Ever wonder why there are so many dish soap commercials? Maybe the companies who make this stuff are trying to hide the fact it's really simple -- and cheap -- to make your own. According to the latest government data, Americans spend an average of $659 a year on housekeeping supplies. The Bureau of Labor Statistics, which provides that figure, also says the average American earns about $787/week -- which means many people are spending most of (if not more than) a week's pay every year on dish soap, laundry detergent, and other cleaning products. If that sounds crazy, here's a better idea: Make your own. Recipes for cleaning products are as numerous as recipes for dinner. Here are just a few to help with dishes, clothes and more. Dishwasher Detergent Here's a simple recipe for dishwasher soap: • 1 cup of borax • 1 cup of baking soda • ¼ cup of table salt • 2 packets (half an ounce) of unsweetened lemon Kool-Aid You can try to save even more by buying ingredients in bulk, but another idea is to find smaller and much cheaper boxes at your local dollar store: a good idea to since you'll want to try a small amount at first to see if you like the results. The amounts listed above are good for 16 loads -- one tablespoon each -- so even small batches will last a while. Other recipes online vary: For example, we found one that suggested combining only borax and baking soda, 1 tablespoon each per load. Another suggested adding a little citrus essential oil to make it smell nice: We didn't try that one, however, because we had difficulty finding inexpensive citrus oil online. Then there's this recipe, which goes in a different direction altogether: • 2 bars of shredded Octagon soap • 1 cup of baking soda • ¼ cup of washing soda • ¼ cup of lemon juice This one calls for melting the shredded soap in five quarts of water and then mixing in the other ingredients. If that sounds a little like the recipe for laundry detergent we wrote about last year, that's because it is. Laundry Detergent Speaking of laundry detergent, that's easy, too. You'll need: • 4 cups of water • ⅓ bar of cheap soap, grated • ½ cup washing soda (not baking soda) • ½ cup of Borax (20 Mule Team) • 5-gallon bucket for mixing • 3 gallons of water First, mix the grated soap in a saucepan with 4 cups of water, and heat on low until the soap is completely dissolved. Add hot water/soap mixture to 3 gallons of water in the 5-gallon bucket, stir in the washing soda and Borax, and continue stirring until thickened. Let the mix sit for 24 hours, and voila! Homemade laundry detergent. Other Cleaning Products If you like the results of your homemade concoctions on clothes and dishes, why stop there? The next time you're at the store, instead of picking up a bottle of some expensive cleanser, grab these six items and make your own cleaning supplies: • Vinegar. It may smell a little weird, but vinegar can handle everything from dishes to laundry and even weeds. We've written about the wonders of vinegar before. • Baking soda. Eliminates odors and helps with stains, and also works as a natural method of pest control -- ants hate it. • Borax. This mineral salt beats bleach as a toilet cleaner and is also useful for scrubbing walls. And as you see in the recipes above, works with laundry, too. • Fels-Naptha soap. This one's actually made by one of those big cleaning companies: Dial. They recommend it for "pre-treating" stains. In other words, "use this in addition to a bunch of our other expensive products, like Purex!" But you can turn the tables by using it as part of a recipe for your own laundry detergent, and they can keep the Purex. • Rubbing alcohol. Works as a disinfectant and is also a great glass cleaner. It also gets grime off plastic and metal surfaces like patio furniture or bathroom fixtures. • Lemon juice. This cuts through dish grease and is an ingredient for homemade furniture polish -- but it's not the easiest thing to preserve long-term. If making your own cleaning products sounds a little extreme, there are still simple ways to save. The best? Buying generics. And if you insist on using name brands, at least clip those coupons -- but only the ones worth your time. |
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