Will you be joining us for PWA: Parents with Attitude - Friday Night LIVES tomorrow May 22, 2020 at 8pm? This week we will be joined by local front line mom and Nurse Practitioner, Erin Edwards! Erin not only works at Southcoast Health but also owns her own business Upper Cape Med Aesthetics. We will also be featuring 3 GIVEAWAYS!

We will be chatting about balancing working and kids during the pandemic; self care; beauty regime;  ideas to do at home to take care of your skin and MORE! Erin will be there to answer YOUR questions LIVE and give tips and tricks for your skin!

We will also be giving away 2 Polar Cave Ice Cream Parlour gift cards thanks to the amazing Papa Bear plus a $40 Gift Card to Upper Cape Med Aesthetics so you can treat yourself or a friend! We will have 2 ways to win:

Nominate a fellow parent to receive one as an act of kindness via this form: https://forms.gle/qy3mrdM1pGWWgAkZ7

OR

Submit a Quote or Story from Quarantine via this form and Erin will pick her favorite: https://forms.gle/fn4DKbNDcghs3C6x9

Please note the TIME CHANGE to begin at 8pm!

So get your favorite beverage and we will see you tomorrow night! RSVP here BUT watch it LIVE here. Recaps will be shared to our blog after the air date.

Self Care for Mom: Look Good, Feeling Good
By: Amy​
A few weeks back I had the awesome opportunity to visit my friend Erin, owner of Upper Cape Med Aesthetics in Falmouth, for a LIVE micro-needling session.  Anyone who has met me knows that I don't often put my own self care first like I am sure many of you reading also do. I often forgo purchasing new clothes or doing any type of self body care opting instead to put my kids and family first.  It is easy to get in the habit of doing this to the point where the only new clothes, get a haircut or self care I get a chance for is when someone gets me it as a gift. 

My friend Erin recently reminded me that even Mom has to sometimes put herself first and she is totally right. Studies show that if Mom is happy then often times the family is happier and more productive.  So when Erin reached out to me about doing a LIVE micro-needling procedure and told me how good my face would feel and look after I jumped at the chance especially after staring at the creased lines in my forehead for the millionth time. 

Micro-needling is a dermaroller procedure that uses small needles to prick the skin. The purpose of treatment is to generate new collagen and skin tissue for smoother, firmer, more toned skin. Micro-needling is mostly used on the face and may treat various scars, wrinkles, and large pores.

I was a little nervous and hesitant because just like my oldest child I am super sensitive to just about anything I put in my body or on it. Seriously I react to EVERYTHING, it is such a bummer sometimes! So to brave this LIVE for all of you was a major leap of faith.  But I wholeheartedly dove right in to Erin's professional and capable hands and her results did not disappoint!  Upper Cape Med Aesthetics believes their patients and their individual needs and concerns come first. In an industry flooded with new facial skin care products and procedures, they  make sure that health, appearance and safety are never compromised, always opting for the safest and best aesthetic outcome.

Erin applied a sauve to my face prior to starting. This had to sit on my face for a little bit of time to help numb everything. The entire procedure takes about an hour to do between preparation, numbing and then after care. 

Once everything began I was pleasantly surprised as it did not really bother me while she did the procedure.  Erin was very gentle and put me at ease throughout the whole procedure. Once we had finished she also applied some product to help sooth and stimulate new collagen growth.

Once home I did notice that my face was slightly red and throbbed very slightly but by the next morning it did not bother me at all and I could begin to see the results. 

The next few days I saw the redness and slight swelling subside and I was ECSTATIC to discover that all my acne had disappeared and the lines in my forehead were almost gone!  By 3 days post procedure my face was glowing and healthy and tight!  Erin continued to check on me for the next few days to ensure I was feeling great and any concerns etc I may have.  

I was thrilled with the results and got many compliments over the holidays about how great my skin looked which of course gave me a nice boost to my emotional health. Upon reflection I realized that Erin was right and Mom does have to take care of herself and do small things when she can to make herself happy.  We should not have to wait a year to do a little self care, we really need to reward ourselves with whatever type of self care makes us happy more often. Maybe it is a new pair of pants, a haircut, maybe a massage, maybe botox and micro-needling... whatever it is treat yourself every once in a while because self care is really important. This is going to be my New Year's Resolution this year-to do more self care whatever it may be and not feel judged or guilty for it.  Not only did my face look and feel positively amazing after but mentally it did wonders for me and made me feel fresh and gorgeous. It truly was the best gift for the holiday season and for the new year!

Be sure to visit our friend Erin at Upper Cape Med Aesthetics in Falmouth and tell her we sent you! She is amazing and will treat you just like family!

Are you a Cape Cod Mom motivated to make positive changes in your life?  Join "We Can" for their upcoming Pathmaker Program! "We Can" seeks to empower women locally on Cape Cod to help them achieve lasting positive change.  Join us for their upcoming information sessions!

Date: April 25, 2015
Time: 1:30-3:30pm
Location: InnerGlow Yoga
30 Steeple Street
Mashpee, MA 02649
Sponsor: MK Yoga & Health & InnerGlow Yoga
Cost:  ShopLocal Members Free, Non Members $10
Description:  This workshop will focus on taking care of self and focusing on the outdoors as we come out of hibernation for the rebirth of spring. We hope to promote a sense of community while doing activity with purpose.  Our space will be a place where women/moms can come together to support one another in challenges, family, health and self.  You will be welcome to voice concerns and challenges in a community safe space while creating friendships.  We will do yoga, some guided mediation as well as some holistic health and focus on helping mom feel good which in turn helps the whole family feel good.

Registration to ShopLocal Members Will Open April 10, 2015. Open registration will begin April 14, 2015.  ShopLocal Members can register now by clicking here.  Non members can visit this link to register on April 14.

Happiness
By Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation

Last night I watched Hector & The Search For Happiness.

From Amazon- “Hector is a quirky psychiatrist who has become tired of his humdrum life, yet he's offering advice to patients who are just not getting happier. So he embarks on a global quest in hopes of uncovering the elusive secret formula for true happiness.”

Aren’t you curious?  Why is there so much drug abuse, alcohol abuse, food abuse, credit card abuse, digital abuse, broken relationships….?  It’s just not so simple as to say that these are diseases.  It’s not so simple as to look to doctors, therapist, medications…for the fix. 

When we are full/satiated/satisfied, we usually don’t go snacking.  Why can’t we attain satisfaction?  Why can’t we be happy?

Ordinarily, this is the place I would add a template or a format for you to print for the next assignment. 

Not this time. 

Just roll with it!  

Here’s what I challenge you to…

1.     Watch the movie! (This is an adult movie, rated R.  Not appropriate for children.  For adults who try to stay away from R rated movies, I do also.  My opinion is that there is nothing outrageous.  A bit of emotional swearing and a small scene of nudity, not frontal.  Use your own discretion.)

2.    Buy yourself a journal.

3.    Make your own notes about what you learn on a daily basis about what makes people…what makes YOU happy.  Do like Hector did.

Just do it for yourself, but if you think your movie buddy would do it also, challenge them and then get a good conversation going.  If your children are writing age, give them a journal and challenge them to the assignment as well!

1 Week (you can always continue if you want to!)

No need to go to faraway places like Hector.  We’ve got a lot going on here.  Strike it up with someone you don’t usually talk to. 

I hope you’ll return to Cape Cod Moms and offer some of your lessons!  Or, drop by at Lamperti Counseling & Consultation Facebook page and leave some comments there!

~Tracy

By Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation

Somewhat of a hobby of mine is the study of the Founding Fathers of this country, for we have much to learn from the way they learned.  Whether they were walking many miles for a book to read, or copying the 110 Rules of Civility because they themselves were less than civil, we can learn a lot from their fortitude.

It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “self-esteem is certainly not a virtue, for it ends up esteeming only itself.”  So how is it that the culture, probably mostly spurred on by the pioneers in my profession, we have come to hold up this concept of self-esteem as being the key to success?

Unfortunately, what those in my profession have done is say that “IF the adults so this, THEN the child will feel this.  Too often, this looks like, “IF I issue a consequence (dare I say, “punishment”) for X behavior, THEN, the child’s self-esteem will suffer.”  Or, “IF I use these words to praise him, THEN the child’s self-esteem will soar.”  Too much, or too little of this or that and you will have destroyed your child’s “self-esteem.”  Or even worse, the child’s rotten, awful “other” parent will destroy their self-esteem, so I need to interceded for the sake of my child’s innermost self.

Well, let me just say, that children are MUCH more “able” than we give them credit for.  Since everyone seems so afraid of damaging the child’s “self-esteem” we rob the child of important life lessons and set them up with a mindset that the step-sisters of Cinderella had.  Cinderella wasn’t spared of the tough stuff and neither was Pollyanna, and look how they turned out.

For anyone who might be feeling a bit angry about what I am saying, relax.  I’m not talking about abuse.  Some “discipline” is abusive and children need to be protected from abuse.  Expecting a 3 ½ year old to use the potty and taking away their pull up and being consistent about it, could look like a tragedy.  It’s not a tragedy and children will rise up to the occasion when boundaries are clear.  Expecting a 1 ½ year old to drink their drink at the table, in your lap or in a chair, rather than crawl around the floor with a ”bubba” between their teeth or a sippy cup that gets tossed, picked up, tossed, picked up…is not abuse and will not damage their self-esteem.

But fine, let’s say that it is a necessary ingredient for success, and let’s say that it is a measure of how a person values themselves.  How can we foster an environment where children gain a good, positive self-esteem, not too low and not too high?

Babies – Praise, praise, praise!!!  Snuggle, comfort, love!  Be calm, consistent and meet their needs.  Begin to assist even babies in learning to meet their own needs in time.  In time and learning their cues, adapt your own behavior to accommodate for their new skills.  The number of parents who refer to their 2, 3 and even 4 year olds as “the baby” always takes me by surprise. 

Toddlers – Develop expectations.  Teach them that you, the parent, are the structure and are in control.  Seeing 2 and 3 year olds crawling around the floor with a bottle hanging out of their mouth, or cheerios all over the place is a clear indication of the next state, when a child won’t sit at the table with the family for dinner, or any meal for that matter.

Young Children – Don’t go overboard with praise for every new accomplishment.  You could get away with that, and it was even helpful in earlier states, but your child needs to gain a sense now of their own abilities, rather than the reaction that they can get from you.  After the first couple of times of putting toys away, this should no longer get a “yippee-hooray!” from you, for if they require such praise for this task, the next task, toilet training, will also require a huge song and dance from you.  The great big awesome feeling needs to come from what they accomplished, rather than what they made you do.

Elementary Age – Help your children to become observers.  Help them to see good in others and qualities and skills in others that they think are cool…EVEN if they can‘t do it themselves and EVEN if the other person who can do it is a peer.  How many people who you see complimenting others seem to have a poor self-esteem?  Teach children that if others can do it, they can too, and they can learn something from those that can.  Teach them if they can’t do it, they have another gift, maybe yet undiscovered, that they CAN do just as well.

Middle School Age – This is when school work becomes more challenging even for very good students.  It is a time to assist children with time management.  They, in fact, are likely to need to spend more time completing school work, and they will need more time to complete the daily chores that you have assigned for them;-).  Yes, in fact they can vacuum out the car, and they actually can learn to make scrambled eggs and a piece of toast.

High School Age – Is so much about beginning to assist our children in following their dreams.  While they are building on the skills you have fostered in them over the last 12-14 years, it is now time to encourage them to dream and begin to build their foundation for when they graduate from your full-time care.

George Washington realized that he had some very bad tendencies.  There was no DSM diagnosis for him and certainly no psychotropic meds, there was a wealth of rules of civility and decent behavior that he “regularly reminded himself of.”

My recent studies come from, Our Country’s Founders, A book of Advice for Young People, edited, with commentary, by William J. Bennett.

Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation

By: Jennifer L. Long, RN, NCN

The Endocrine, digestive, respiratory, cardiovascular, nervous, reproductive, integumentary, muscular & skeletal are the systems of your body. *Do you know whether or not the habits you are engaging in on a daily basis are supporting long-term health or disease to those systems? *Do you know those systems are dependent on your lifestyle choices & habits for survival & prevention of disease & quality of life? *Do you make choices to prevent disease, maintain & promote health? *Do you know how your choices affect each one of those body systems? *Did you know that an unstable blood sugar, elevated stress levels, lack of physical activity, lack of sleep, poor nutrition & dehydration contribute to disease? It is SO important that the person helping you with whatever your health goals are, losing weight, gaining weight, maintaining, lowering your A1C, hormone balance & improving the quality of your body systems, is fluent in how the body functions? Food, water, medications, disease & health conditions all effect each system & you can change outcomes without drastic measures, extreme dieting, unrealistic expectations. Someone with an understanding of health psychology and behavior change that can help you develop into the lifestyle you need for desired success. Change occurs 1% at a time, the decision to change is 100% yours...make the choice & let's CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Transformation begins with nutrition! #RNutrition

“Transformation Begins With Nutrition”- Jennifer Long, RN,NCN.
 
Contact  RNutrition Health & Wellness to receive Nutrition & Health Consulting  from Jennifer Long, RN, NCN. 
 
Phone: (508) 360-2032
Email: RNutrition2013@gmail.com 
Website:   www.rnutritionhealwell.com

Now friends, here is a place to plug in the things from the first chart.  See if you can do it.  I could NOT do it even when I extended the times from 6 am to midnight.  No wonder I was completely depleted!

Tomorrow, or when my virus infected computer comes back to life, I will post “Super Mom II” where there will be some great info on goal setting the “SMART” way.

As always, I can be reached at www.tracylamperti.com or 774-722-5919.

by Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS

It is the responsibility of the adult to protect children from sexual abuse.  

Part of that job includes educating children about what belongs to them;  their body, inside and out!  And that begins on day one.
 
“Eyes”
“Toe”
“Belly”
“Knee”
“Bottom”

And eventually, “Penis” “Vagina”
 
Instead of saying “eye” we could call them your “peek-a-boos.” Nose could be your “sniffer.”  So why do we need cute little names for the penis and vagina?
 
When we give our children confidence about knowing about their body; who it belongs to, what it does, what the parts are called, our children are better equipped to recognize when a pedophile is testing how much they can get away with in trying to break the social rules they have been taught. 

 In effect, “We disarm the pedophile.”
 
Grooming

 “Grooming” in the sexual abuse context is known as the steps taken by a pedophile to form a relationship with the child, gain trust, and begin the process of “testing” to see what they can get away with before the risk of being caught gets too high.  This is an entire topic of its own and every parent should seek to understand it
well.
 
Some examples include;

·       Being really friendly and trying to connect with the child around the child’s interests, whether it be building with blocks, playing with matchbox cars or playing video games.

·       Tickling could be a sign of grooming.  The potential offender tickles the child, getting the expected laughing that is often an involuntary response to tickling.  They watch closely to see if the child will pull away or run behind the parent, or if an adult will intervene with a “we have a no tickling rule in our family.”  If they are not stopped, their next step might be to get closer to between the child’s legs for the “tickle.”  Once again, they tell observe the response of the child and any onlookers.  If they are “caught,” it can simply have been an accident and they move on to another potential victim.

·       They might tell the child an insignificant “secret” and see if the child keeps it.  This is just a test.  Children who can be trusted with little secrets, can be trusted with bigger secrets.

·       They might use a child’s lack of knowledge about their body parts by using a “silly” name for the part and joking about it or playing a “show me” game.  When a child has learned a few basics about their digestive system, they know that the liquid that they drank that their body didn’t need to use for energy comes out of their penis. They don’t think that their “wee-wee” is a silly thing that gets a lot of giggles and causes “red faces” (i.e. embarrassment).  They know that their penis is an important part of their body and a part that is needed by them and only them.  There is no reason to show or to share.  Every boy and man has one and they keep it to themselves.
 
Resources
 
Look Inside Your Body
 
This book and others like it, lift-the-flap type, sometimes become favorites of young children.  You can begin very early teaching your child some very simplistic facts about where food goes when they chew and then swallow; how their muscles and bones are working under their skin.  A child who knows some of HOW their body works, will be much more confident when they get a stomach bug, or constipation, or a broken bone. 
Many parts are covered.

The Care & Keeping You 

For girls -  There are now more titles in the series.  This is the American Girl Book that so many people already know about.  It covers basic facts about a preteen/teenager’s emotional and physical life changes.  There are no, so-called “liberal” values pushed and there are no so-called “conservative” values pushed.  It’s your basic pimple, bra, tampon and pad, braces, etc. information, beautifully illustrated and presented.  Depending on the emotional and physical level of development the girl you are giving it to is at, it could very well be appropriate to introduce this book at 9 or 10 years old, but possibly later with some girls.
 
When girls (and boys) know what to expect BEFORE changes occur, they are looking forward to these changes. When they come by surprise, girls and boys are often embarrassed.

 The Bare Naked Book
 
I really like this book for preschool and even younger.  It is a basic body part labeling book, nicely illustrated, that shows mostly just what is needed to be shown, but generally no more, (i.e. there is no need in this medium to show the genital or reproductive area of an older child or adult, and it is NOT shown).   
 
I am NOT in favor of family bathroom time, which is depicted here. I simply told my child, and children in my office, that “In our family we take turns in the bathroom and give each other privacy.”  The same goes for naked swimming, even for toddlers.  There is a picture of a kiddy pool where an illustrated child is naked. I use the same kind of response.
 
The Boy's Body Book

This book is on par with The Care & Keeping of You, but for boys. Again, no values pushing.  It should be presented when the adult notices that the boy appears to be just about entering puberty or a little before if you can time it well.  
 
The Girl's Body Book
 
Same as The Boy’s Body Book, only for girls.
 
It's My Body

Appropriate to introduce at the same time as other simple books around 3 or 4 years old.  This book is very simple and very good, but with no special illustrations or colors; simple black and white drawings mostly of the main child.  I have been using this book professionally for 20 years.  A very basic, “It’s my body and I can say ‘no.’”
 
The Trouble With Secrets
 
Same series as It’s My Body.  Very good.  I’ve been using it for years.
 
Child Safety 101

Excellent book for adults.  Every household should have one and every mother AND father should read it. 
It covers lots of topics of child safety in a condensed, organized format.  We were headed to Disney when I first read this book.  Some of the hotel safety tips were really good to read right before a vacation.  

 
The following resources are ones that I once used but use no longer.
 
A Very Touching Book
 
This book covers good touching, bad touching and secret touching. I no longer use this book because, though the characters are all cartoon, it is very graphic.  In some regards, upon first glance, it seems like it would be very good to show all ages, all body types, etc.  It tries to cause a reader to get a giggle, like people getting on a bus naked, or in the public showers.  The book is too graphic in my opinion.  Using it with children who have been sexually abuse is very risky. The nature of the images can be very overwhelming for children.  I understand that some might disagree with me.
 
It's Perfectly Normal

Big risk here, I go against lots of professionals here, including the well renowned Dr. T. Berry Brazelton (whom btw I have learned a lot from), and other very influential professionals and academies in the field of child health.

It is my opinion, (shared by some very mature teenagers) that the look is NOT values neutral.  There is a
definite bias.  I believe it is too graphic and explanatory (even though it also is in cartoon form) and can stir a
lot of emotion, hormones and confusion about what young people this age are and should be doing.  I believe that it is sufficient to explain to a boy that they will experience emotional and physical feelings and changes as they develop and that is “perfectly normal.”  I do not believe the author needed to go on to show cartoon images of boys with erections, masturbating, sitting with their “girlfriend” and depicting these changes. I could go through it chapter by chapter, and many may disagree with me.  
 
The point with any of these books is for parents to review the material first.  Talk with the other parent before
exposing the child to a book, topic or other material. ASK, ASK, ASK for the curriculum in your child’s health, sex education and/or science class as early as Kindergarten and go over all material that your child is bringing home on the subjects, particularly in light of the Common Core.
 
It is YOUR responsibility to teach your child about their body, their safety and your values.
 
Other Considerations That Need To Be Thought Through and Consciously Decided by Parents

We give our children messages about rules in life, just by living with them.  Messages about privacy, self-respect and pride in what belongs to them, come from just living together.  The way that some of these issues are lived out can place children at a higher risk of abuse.  
 
Family values and beliefs, developmental level of the child, age of the child, stage of sexual maturations, etc. are all things that need to be considered.
 
·       The family bed
·       The open door bathroom
·       The sibling tub

Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
 
If you would like more information or a consultation, please go to  www.tracylamperti.com.  If you have any concerns that your child or a child you know may be being sexually abused, please consult with myself or another professional trained in this area right away.  Sexual abuse has lasting and devastating effects on an individual and our community.  You can help protect your own or another child.
 
Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant 
My Blog
My Website
lamperticc@gmail.com
774-722-5919

By: Coach Pam Wills

Last week, I got up on my soapbox about all the good reasons WHY holding onto your dreams is just…GOOD. Today, I’m all about the HOW. You ready? Here we go…

 #1 QUIT LISTENING TO THE NEGATIVE CHATTER IN YOUR HEAD

This point is by far the most important, life changing thing you can do for your Self right now. Turn down the volume on the Mean Voice. Actually, mute it! Turn it off completely! Then, go ahead and turn the volume waaaaay up on the Best Friend Voice. I swear to you, this can be done. I did it my Self. And the results are amazing. You can totally do it, too!

 #2 BE NICE TO YOUR SELF
Goes hand in hand with #1. If you’re not being nice to your Self, why do you suppose anyone else will be nice to you? Take that new Best Friend Voice and start listening to all the wonderific, nice things it says to and about you! Go ahead, I dare you.

 #3 GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE
Practice courage regularly. Do something scary every day. Why? Because accomplishing challenges builds your confidence. Increased confidence allows you to continue pursuing your dreams. See how easy that is?

#4 MEDITATE ON YOUR DREAMS
Meditation doesn’t need to be weird or difficult. All it really involves is a little focus. My fave way of meditating is lounging in bed for a few extra minutes on the weekend and just letting my thoughts drift.

Another great way to focus is to keep a special journal. Write only about your dream in that journal. Write it all in the present tense, as if it is happening right now. Call it your “Make It Happen” bible or your “Yes!” manifesto!

One more way to focus is to keep your media consumption to a minimum, turn off the radio and TV and just enjoy the silence. Gives your brain some room to breathe. Breathing is good.

#5 GO VISION BOARDING
If you’re a visual person, try vision boarding. We used to call this making a collage, back in the day… Now it is all the rage. And with good reason!

Pull out some old magazines and a piece of poster board, cardboard or even an old lined notebook or scrapbook. Cut and paste your way to a creative dream! It is so much fun and a great activity to do with kids. Vision board regularly and watch your dreams come true!

#6 GET UP AND DANCE
Dance, jump, run, skip, sing, hum, color, create, make music… just have fun! Playing makes life worth living. The fun times are the times we remember. Don’t let them pass you by.

 Keep the faith. Sometimes, it’s all you have!

Okay so I’m on a roll with my cheesy 80s music… enjoy this one, including the hairstyle and fashion choices!  

Don’t Stop Believing