Children’s Cove IU2U Block Party
Let’s have the conversation about how you can be smart and be safe online. It’s Up To You to protect yourself and others. 

Date: April 27, 2021
Time: 7-8pm
Where: Zoom and live streamed on social media
​To Register: visit https://bit.ly/2PYUKAx

Join parents, kids, and teens in our community for a virtual block party to have some fun while discussing ways to be safe online. Hosted by motivational speaker Jonathan Thompson, of JT’s Chronicles, the block party is an interactive conversation with Children’s Cove, Cape Cod Moms and IROC2. This educational and entertaining event is for anyone who wants to learn more about body safety and ways to reduce the chances of the online exploitation of children. There will be a Q&A, activities, and prizes including $150 in Visa gift cards! Those who register in advance will be entered into their own chances for a $50 Visa gift card. 

Presenters
Jonathan Thompson – Motivational Speaker, JT’s Chronicles
Jacob Stapledon – Community Engagement and Education Coordinator, Children’s Cove
Amy Leonardi – Owner/Founder, Cape Cod Moms
Richard Guerry – Institute for Responsible Online and Cell Phone Communication 

Why should PARENTS attend?
Because It’s Up To You (IU2U) to protect your child from online predators
- Learn how to start conversation about online safety with your child, early and often
- To guide a conversation between you and your kids about their online lives and safety.
- To learn warning signs that your kids may be at risk or in danger.
- To discover free resources available to you to stop online sexual exploitation of children.

Why should KIDS & TEENS attend?
Because it’s Up to You (IU2U) to stay safe online
- To have fun while learning warning signs of an online predator
- To learn what predators look for in kids and teens online. 
- To understand the real-world risks of online life.
- To recognize when friends might be in trouble.
- To secure your digital legacy.
- To understand the importance of your image online and in real life. 

We will be joined by Jacob Stapledon from Children's Cove to discuss their new campaign, chat support, online block party. Children’s Cove is increasing access to help support safety at home and online. Definitely tune in and share your thoughts with us for a chance to win a prize or using the link to nominate your bestie to receive a gift of kindness from us! We love surprising people live!

The Parent Pod is a weekly virtual show brought to you by Cape Cod Moms and featuring local family friendly businesses, highlighting local parents, discussing important topics, spreading some kindness and more! Be sure to submit questions, submit a friend to win a prize & join us LIVE for other prizes! 

So tune in LIVE on our Facebook Page or our YouTube Page at 8pm!

If you miss it, don't worry the replay will be uploaded here once the show is over!
https://linktr.ee/capecodmoms

Children's Cove always comes to the top of our mind as one of the most vital and important resources our community and region has to offer. For over 23 years now they have dedicated themselves to being on the front lines helping to assist and protect our most vulnerable population.  In the now established age of virtual learning and more kids than ever being online, our kids are now bigger targets than they have ever been and all too often it can be easy to miss small signs. 

Children’s Cove provides compassionate, comprehensive, and collaborative response services at no cost to survivors of child abuse through its evidence-based programs, network of community partnerships, educational outreach and awareness efforts. Its multidisciplinary team works together to empower survivors, promote healthy outcomes, and help mitigate the stigma of child abuse.​ They are located in Hyannis but serve all of the Cape and Islands.

Additionally they really focus on education. They provide free talks, education and training throughout the community. They have volunteers that raise awareness and create connections to us to help provide services and support to those in need. They encourage all of us to have conversations with your children about body safety, prevention, and anything else that is important. Start those conversations EARLY and have them often. It’s never too early to start, but it can feel like it is too late to start. 

For many years now we have partnered with Children's Cove to assist with their outreach and to help break the stigma that surrounds this topic. We have had Outreach Coordinator, Jacob Stapledon on a few times to discuss both Body Safety and Tough Topics which both can be viewed by clicking those links. The information they have shared in helping education our parents and caregivers is crucial to any adult raising children as well as educating the next generation about their bodies and boundaries.

Thank you to Children's Cove and their amazing dedicated team who work tirelessly to help, protect and educate us. Please take a minute and check out their updated website which includes: online safety tips, tips for teachers, signs that a child needs help, answers how YOU can get involved and give of yourself, and even more!

Join us weekly on Thursday nights for "The Parent Pod"! This weekly live virtual show on Facebook and now YouTube explores local family friendly businesses, highlights local parents, discusses important topics, spreads some kindness and more! ​

This week we are again joined by Jacob Stapledon from Children's Cove to discuss body safety for our kids.  There’s no perfect age for speaking with your children about body safety. Instead, it should be part of an ongoing dialogue from their early years through their teens. Engage your children, talk with them about their bodies, show that you’re available to answer questions, and always create an atmosphere of trust.   Jacob provides some great guidelines for our parents and caregivers.  

This week we will be awarding a gift card from the 1856 Country Store in Centerville to a lucky viewer who submits a question in advance or during our live show.  1856 Country Store is not your grandmother's country store.  As a beloved piece of Centerville and Cape Cod, generations of families are still visiting the 1856 Country Store for the old time delights, but they are so much more than a penny candy store!  The holidays are a special time at the 1856.  Secret Santas and Yankee Swappers love us!.  Old fashioned toys, tees and sweats, souvenirs, as well as beautiful jewelry, accessories, a fabulous selection of greeting cards, home accents and decor with a seaside flair. The country store is an exciting place filled with laughter and hustle and bustle during the summer, along with visitors sharing happy memories of their childhood visits to the store. A visit to 1856 Country Store would not be complete without sitting in one of the political “Democrat” and “Republican” benches out front! Located on Main Street in Centerville, they are right up the road from Craigville Beach and just around the corner from Four Seas Ice Cream … stop by and visit them soon!
 Submit your questions for Jacob to be entered to win here. 

​So pencil in on your calendar that this week at 8pm-this hour is for you!

With the ​Cape Cod Parent Resource Fair rapidly approaching we will be sharing blog posts on our participating sponsors, vendors and nonprofits.  You will find out more about these amazing businesses and what they offer to our community. They will be sharing their services, advice, what challenges face our community as well as upcoming events they will be having.  Make sure to check out our virtual program and resource guide ahead of the event so you can plan for what you want to see including our famous speaker panels. If you preregister for the speakers you will earn extra raffle tickets. You also earn them by attending any of our entertainment sessions! Just email us and you will receive tickets at the door! We hope to see you at the Resource Fair!

Tell us about your business/nonprofit and how it benefits local families? 
Children’s Cove is the Child Advocacy Center for the Cape & Islands. Children’s Cove provides a compassionate, efficient, child-friendly organization for child abuse intervention. We provide a streamlined process to support children and family with a focus on hope, empowerment, and the healthiest outcome.

Where is it located?
Barnstable, but serves the entire Cape & Islands.

What is your favorite thing about our community?
There are so many people and organizations who work together for the betterment of children and families on Cape Cod & the Islands.

How else do you get involved with the community?
 I serve as a volunteer for CCYP, I am board-chair for Leadership Cape Cod, and do my best to be flexible in my work hours to serve as much of our community as possible.

What do you think are the biggest challenges facing parents in our community?
Some of the big ones are the cost of living and challenges with affordability and accessibility of child care. More personally, just the difficulty to connect to other parents in the community and form meaningful peer relationships.

What is your favorite memory or story over the years involving you and your business?
I interact with many, many people. Sometimes survivors, or parents of survivors of abuse come to me and say thank you and give an update to how things are going. Most of the time I am not involved in the direct care aspect of our work, and sometimes these are people who came years before I started working at the Cove. But the message is always the same: You helped so much and are amazing. It’s a blessing to work somewhere that that is the message constantly given back.

What advice would you give parents and caregivers in our community?
Child sexual abuse is preventable. Sometimes topics which seem difficult to talk about, really aren’t. It’s the fear we hold in our own hearts about those topics which hold us back. Children want to listen, learn, absorb, and model everything we say. Let body safety and openness to discuss difficult topics be one of them. If you need help, we would be happy to help you at Children’s Cove in how to have the conversation. 

Do you have any specials, events, or anything else taking place this upcoming year that our parents should know about?
Keep your eyes on our social media pages for some special events coming in April this year!

1.  Tell us about your business/non profit and how it benefits local families? 
​Children’s Cove is the Child Advocacy Center for the Cape and the Islands. We provide a multi-disciplinary response to child victims of sexual abuse, severe physical abuse, witness to domestic violence and commercial sexual exploitation. We also provide professional training to organizations, and community education for parents and caregivers. All services are free.

2. Where is it located?
​We are located in Hyannis but serve all of the Cape and Islands.

3.   What is your favorite thing about our community?
​How many organizations come together to support children and families who have experienced tremendous difficulty and do so to promote hope and optimism.

4. How else do you get involved with the community?
​We provide free talks, education and training throughout the community. We have volunteers that raise awareness and create connections to us to help provide services and support to those in need.

5.  What do you think are the biggest challenges facing parents in our community?
​Understanding that regardless of the challenges that they may be facing, it’s ok to ask for help. Regardless of your background, needs, or fears there is an organization that can and WANTS to help. No matter what, you are not alone.
​
6. What is your favorite memory or story over the years involving you and your business?
​In 2017 we celebrated our 20th anniversary of serving the children and families of Cape Cod & Islands and helping them find their healthiest outcome no matter what they’ve experienced. We love what we do.
7.  What advice would you give parents and caregivers in our community?
​Have conversations with your children about body safety, prevention, and anything else that is important. Start those conversations EARLY and have them often. It’s never too early to start, but it can feel like it is too late to start. 

8. Do you have any specials, events, or anything else taking place this upcoming year that our parents should know about?
​We are always available for parents, caregivers, teens and youth to call us for support. Don’t hesitate!

by Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS

It is the responsibility of the adult to protect children from sexual abuse.  

Part of that job includes educating children about what belongs to them;  their body, inside and out!  And that begins on day one.
 
“Eyes”
“Toe”
“Belly”
“Knee”
“Bottom”

And eventually, “Penis” “Vagina”
 
Instead of saying “eye” we could call them your “peek-a-boos.” Nose could be your “sniffer.”  So why do we need cute little names for the penis and vagina?
 
When we give our children confidence about knowing about their body; who it belongs to, what it does, what the parts are called, our children are better equipped to recognize when a pedophile is testing how much they can get away with in trying to break the social rules they have been taught. 

 In effect, “We disarm the pedophile.”
 
Grooming

 “Grooming” in the sexual abuse context is known as the steps taken by a pedophile to form a relationship with the child, gain trust, and begin the process of “testing” to see what they can get away with before the risk of being caught gets too high.  This is an entire topic of its own and every parent should seek to understand it
well.
 
Some examples include;

·       Being really friendly and trying to connect with the child around the child’s interests, whether it be building with blocks, playing with matchbox cars or playing video games.

·       Tickling could be a sign of grooming.  The potential offender tickles the child, getting the expected laughing that is often an involuntary response to tickling.  They watch closely to see if the child will pull away or run behind the parent, or if an adult will intervene with a “we have a no tickling rule in our family.”  If they are not stopped, their next step might be to get closer to between the child’s legs for the “tickle.”  Once again, they tell observe the response of the child and any onlookers.  If they are “caught,” it can simply have been an accident and they move on to another potential victim.

·       They might tell the child an insignificant “secret” and see if the child keeps it.  This is just a test.  Children who can be trusted with little secrets, can be trusted with bigger secrets.

·       They might use a child’s lack of knowledge about their body parts by using a “silly” name for the part and joking about it or playing a “show me” game.  When a child has learned a few basics about their digestive system, they know that the liquid that they drank that their body didn’t need to use for energy comes out of their penis. They don’t think that their “wee-wee” is a silly thing that gets a lot of giggles and causes “red faces” (i.e. embarrassment).  They know that their penis is an important part of their body and a part that is needed by them and only them.  There is no reason to show or to share.  Every boy and man has one and they keep it to themselves.
 
Resources
 
Look Inside Your Body
 
This book and others like it, lift-the-flap type, sometimes become favorites of young children.  You can begin very early teaching your child some very simplistic facts about where food goes when they chew and then swallow; how their muscles and bones are working under their skin.  A child who knows some of HOW their body works, will be much more confident when they get a stomach bug, or constipation, or a broken bone. 
Many parts are covered.

The Care & Keeping You 

For girls -  There are now more titles in the series.  This is the American Girl Book that so many people already know about.  It covers basic facts about a preteen/teenager’s emotional and physical life changes.  There are no, so-called “liberal” values pushed and there are no so-called “conservative” values pushed.  It’s your basic pimple, bra, tampon and pad, braces, etc. information, beautifully illustrated and presented.  Depending on the emotional and physical level of development the girl you are giving it to is at, it could very well be appropriate to introduce this book at 9 or 10 years old, but possibly later with some girls.
 
When girls (and boys) know what to expect BEFORE changes occur, they are looking forward to these changes. When they come by surprise, girls and boys are often embarrassed.

 The Bare Naked Book
 
I really like this book for preschool and even younger.  It is a basic body part labeling book, nicely illustrated, that shows mostly just what is needed to be shown, but generally no more, (i.e. there is no need in this medium to show the genital or reproductive area of an older child or adult, and it is NOT shown).   
 
I am NOT in favor of family bathroom time, which is depicted here. I simply told my child, and children in my office, that “In our family we take turns in the bathroom and give each other privacy.”  The same goes for naked swimming, even for toddlers.  There is a picture of a kiddy pool where an illustrated child is naked. I use the same kind of response.
 
The Boy's Body Book

This book is on par with The Care & Keeping of You, but for boys. Again, no values pushing.  It should be presented when the adult notices that the boy appears to be just about entering puberty or a little before if you can time it well.  
 
The Girl's Body Book
 
Same as The Boy’s Body Book, only for girls.
 
It's My Body

Appropriate to introduce at the same time as other simple books around 3 or 4 years old.  This book is very simple and very good, but with no special illustrations or colors; simple black and white drawings mostly of the main child.  I have been using this book professionally for 20 years.  A very basic, “It’s my body and I can say ‘no.’”
 
The Trouble With Secrets
 
Same series as It’s My Body.  Very good.  I’ve been using it for years.
 
Child Safety 101

Excellent book for adults.  Every household should have one and every mother AND father should read it. 
It covers lots of topics of child safety in a condensed, organized format.  We were headed to Disney when I first read this book.  Some of the hotel safety tips were really good to read right before a vacation.  

 
The following resources are ones that I once used but use no longer.
 
A Very Touching Book
 
This book covers good touching, bad touching and secret touching. I no longer use this book because, though the characters are all cartoon, it is very graphic.  In some regards, upon first glance, it seems like it would be very good to show all ages, all body types, etc.  It tries to cause a reader to get a giggle, like people getting on a bus naked, or in the public showers.  The book is too graphic in my opinion.  Using it with children who have been sexually abuse is very risky. The nature of the images can be very overwhelming for children.  I understand that some might disagree with me.
 
It's Perfectly Normal

Big risk here, I go against lots of professionals here, including the well renowned Dr. T. Berry Brazelton (whom btw I have learned a lot from), and other very influential professionals and academies in the field of child health.

It is my opinion, (shared by some very mature teenagers) that the look is NOT values neutral.  There is a
definite bias.  I believe it is too graphic and explanatory (even though it also is in cartoon form) and can stir a
lot of emotion, hormones and confusion about what young people this age are and should be doing.  I believe that it is sufficient to explain to a boy that they will experience emotional and physical feelings and changes as they develop and that is “perfectly normal.”  I do not believe the author needed to go on to show cartoon images of boys with erections, masturbating, sitting with their “girlfriend” and depicting these changes. I could go through it chapter by chapter, and many may disagree with me.  
 
The point with any of these books is for parents to review the material first.  Talk with the other parent before
exposing the child to a book, topic or other material. ASK, ASK, ASK for the curriculum in your child’s health, sex education and/or science class as early as Kindergarten and go over all material that your child is bringing home on the subjects, particularly in light of the Common Core.
 
It is YOUR responsibility to teach your child about their body, their safety and your values.
 
Other Considerations That Need To Be Thought Through and Consciously Decided by Parents

We give our children messages about rules in life, just by living with them.  Messages about privacy, self-respect and pride in what belongs to them, come from just living together.  The way that some of these issues are lived out can place children at a higher risk of abuse.  
 
Family values and beliefs, developmental level of the child, age of the child, stage of sexual maturations, etc. are all things that need to be considered.
 
·       The family bed
·       The open door bathroom
·       The sibling tub

Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
 
If you would like more information or a consultation, please go to  www.tracylamperti.com.  If you have any concerns that your child or a child you know may be being sexually abused, please consult with myself or another professional trained in this area right away.  Sexual abuse has lasting and devastating effects on an individual and our community.  You can help protect your own or another child.
 
Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant 
My Blog
My Website
lamperticc@gmail.com
774-722-5919

When Actions Match Intentions 
(7th of 7 posts on child sexual abuse prevention)
By: Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS

The words that usually come up in the training when we brainstorm the qualities that we want our children to experience…

HAPPY
CAREFREE
INNOCENT
IN AWE OF THE WORLD
TRUSTING
SAFE

In order to make this happy, our choices need to reflect these qualities.  As a parent, you want to do everything in your power to keep your children safe! But the number one comment I hear from parents that I work with after it  has been learned that their child has been sexually abused, is, “I didn’t know.”  

Didn’t know…

The questions to ask…the signs to look for…(especially) didn’t know the tricks that offenders use to draw
in children and their parents.
 
 Stewards of Children will equip you with this information. Click here for testimonials from Cape Cod parents and professionals who took this training with Tracy Lamperti.

I urge every parent to take this training or call me directly for assistance.  Between my services, other qualified professionals, Children’s Cove, Independence House, and others, every adult; parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle….should be trained, along with EVERY person providing any level of care to a minor. 
 
Our #1 defense and method to keep children safe in our community is to begin to talk about CSA and educate ourselves about CSA.