By: Amy E
How many of you parents out there are single parents? Today my post is dedicated to all you single moms and dads. I am somewhat new to this arena and still early on in this rollercoaster of a journey. It is definitely not the smoothest journey at this point, but I’ve been told there are points where it smooth’s out. One of my recent experiences was to meet the new “friend”.
I was the one to bring up meeting his new “friend” who he moved in with, because obviously if our child was going to be spending time with her at her house then I was going to have to meet her. As some of you know, meeting the new “friend” can be awkward or stressful. We both sized the other up and the meeting went as well as could be expected. There were a few very awkward moments, like when my son’s father decided to feed his new “friend” food directly into her mouth in front of me. That was a bit uncomfortable but I sense it was probably only on my end. Another rough moment was later when I was home with the Tiny One and he kept on going on and on about his Daddy and his new “friend”. Hearing about those adventures and my son talk so much about the “friend” was a little rough.
I ended up having snow globe moment when you feel as if you are viewing the life of your child but without you in it or not the way you had pictured it in your head. I guess the lesson for me here is that I used to have a fantasy of what a family should look like or be and in my situation it is not what I fantasized. I have to let go of that dream and mourn the loss of it so that a new one can take shape. It will take some time I’m sure, but I’ll get there. I also know in the long run, it is better for me to always be positive and respectful
when dealing with my child's father and his "friend" (current and potential future ones) as it will set the tone for how the Tiny One behaves and treats others, including his future spouse, etc.
So here's to all you single Moms & Dads out there, the road is certainly rough going, but kudos to those of you who bear the burden and do so with a smile on your face knowing that we are rewarded with our
child's love and knowing the end result will be better if we are the ones to approach these situations with positivity and respect.
Have you ever met your ex’s new “friend”? How did it go?
We'd love to have you share your stories!
At 30 years old, I consider myself to be a young mom. I have entered into a different maturity stage in my life especially now that I have a child. I still consider myself to be up-to-date on the latest fads/trends (many of which I actually do not take part). Sometimes though, the latest acronyms that the “young hip” moms or
Hollywood moms are using escape me.
I am now a single parent and it can be really hard at times. Just last week, I had to drop my son off for time with his dad. His father had two friends over sitting on the couch when we arrived. His father mentioned wanting to take him out sledding (mind you it was 5pm and 12 degrees outside). I told him I’d prefer that our son not go outside in the cold but if he chose to do that to ensure that our son had on all his winter gear.
As I dropped my son off, I went through my usual goodbye routine with him. Now anyone who knows me knows I am absolutely in LOVE with my son and I understand he will not be little and innocent like he is forever. So yes, I hug him, kiss him, and tell him I love him ALL THE TIME (seriously we all love our children). As I said goodbye to my little angel and put on my coat to leave, one of the couch potatoes piped up, a young mom in her early 20’s but sans child at that moment.
She looked at me and said, “Oh you’re an OPP”
An OPP, hmmmmm what is that???? My mind whirled through all the latest slang and I couldn’t place the
phrase so I asked her what it meant.
She replied, “Over Protective Parent”
I just smiled and left but inside I was truthfully a bit infuriated. First it is frustrating that while my son’s father and I are trying to co-parent, we have a couch potato gallery giving us feedback. Second, what does she mean by “Over Protective Parent”?
Does she mean I am worrying too much, hovering or not allowing my child to express himself or take chances? Well I do worry, but I worry in secret… most parents do. And being cautious about a toddler going outside in 12 degrees is NOT being an “OPP”, it’s just COMMON SENSE. I do not hover over my
child and I am definitely not afraid to let him fall down or fail. This will be the only way he will learn. It’s called Risk/Reward. How else will he learn to persevere or be his own person?
By “Over Protective Parent”, maybe she meant that I love my child unconditionally and that I am actively present in his life. I happily climb to the top of the play structure with him to play castle even when my body doesn’t appreciate being contorted like a pretzel to get up there. I make pillow forts at home and ones at daycare for him and his friends. I run around the house playing Superman and dinosaurs. I look out for his well-being and provide him with healthy choices for meals and appropriate clothing for the weather. I am actively involved with his education and stay in constant contact with his teachers. We do all kinds of thing together but at times he needs his space and he happily builds towers or reads by himself. I tell him how much I love him and how important he is to me on a daily basis.
I honestly don't know which way she meant the comment she directed at me. My suspicion is the former rather than the latter, but I honestly do not care. Yes, I guess I am an OPP. And I will wear the latest slang term proudly; maybe I’ll even get a t-shirt made up of the phrase and dance around singing the first line of the Naughty by Nature song:
“Down with OPP , yea you know me!”
Who else is a proud OPP parent?
This idea is on my mind today. Finding the courage to open our hearts might be one of the most challenging actions we take. Trusting after getting hurt is especially challenging.Do you trust yourself to choose a potential lover wisely next time?
Will you allow yourself to trust that your choice is a good one?
Are you ready to trust your heart to the lucky person you choose?
As your Confidence Coach, I strive to help you grow your courage, build your confidence and tap your innate charisma. You need to work with me If you:
- don’t know how to use your own voice anymore
- used to feel like you could do anything
- wonder why no one listens to you
- feel invisible most of the time
- don’t have a plan for your future
- can’t even imagine your way into next week
- wonder when your goals disappeared like that
- feel all bottled up like wine with a dry cork
- wish you could just run away some days
- hate living in an emotional battlefield or wasteland
- can’t remember the last time you felt good about yourself
- don’t know when someone last complimented you on anything
- feel as if flirting was something you did in another lifetime
- don’t remember how to have fun
- This list goes on and on, doesn’t it?…
I know what it’s like and how to help because the same thing happened to me. Now that I have successfully gained courage, built confidence and tapped my own charisma, I can also guide YOU through the steps it takes to succeed and SIZZLE. Book your SPARK Session with me today.
Email me directly at Pamela@ElasticityCoaching.com or visit my website
Pamela Wills, CPC
Pamela Wills Coaching
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