Confidence is kind of like the Holy Grail for a lot of people. And like most people, I also struggle with confidence issues once in awhile. Am I smart enough / pretty enough / good enough issues. Do they like me / want to work
with me / want to be my friend issues. Can I do this / is this possible / am I crazy issues. You know, the usual.
But sometimes, instead of those issues appearing as fleeting doubts or fears that we combat and vanquish fairly quickly, if we let them take over, then they can and WILL pervade our lives and affect everything we do. I know this firsthand because when I was at the lowest point of my first marriage, my confidence was also at a very low point. It was a painful place to hang out, but it definitely taught me that I was the only person in charge of my Self — AND my self-confidence.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
For instance, if your confidence level is low, you might end up letting people treat you badly on a regular basis. You might unwittingly let friends, family members, co-workers or even your spouse put you down or take advantage of you. You might find that your kids don’t listen or do what you ask them to do. Maybe you find yourself apologizing for stuff that other people do to YOU.
If your confidence level is really low, you might let people make decisions for you regularly. You might take on your partner or your friend’s likes and values. You might end up the victim of a controlling person or even a bully. You might sometimes find yourself in uncomfortable, compromising or even dangerous situations.
I went through most of these scenarios during my own “troubles” and I tell you what, it was NOT fun. But since then, I have done a lot of work, a lot of reading, a lot of practicing and spent a lot of time alone, just thinking. The result: I figured out who I really am and raised my confidence level through the roof! Now, I don’t suffer any fools for more than about a minute. =)
“I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Can you tell I’m an Eleanor fan?…
So how can YOU lift the heavy weight of low confidence off your shoulders and step forward into being fully YOU? Well, I will be honest with you — I would not recommend doing it alone, like I did. The process is painful enough without adding isolation and loneliness to the morass. My advice? Ask a close friend or family member for help! Better yet, hire a coach to lean on. Trust me, an experienced coach’s objectivity and action-oriented guidance are the best gift you could ever give yourself. I wish I had done it for my Self years ago!
Meanwhile, until you gather your courage to talk to someone (and we’ll talk about courage very soon…), there are a few steps you can practice daily to jumpstart your confidence boost.
1) Replace the negative chatter in your head with positive Self talk.***
Practice makes perfect here. And diligence. Every time you catch yourself saying something mean to your Self about You, stop! Take a breath. Rewind. Now replay it, but this time, be nicer to your Self. For instance, instead of saying, “I’m so stupid!” say something like, “Okay, I made a mistake, so now how can I learn from this mistake?” ***If you do nothing else, DO THIS THING!!! Every day. All the time. Without fail. No matter what anyone else says to you. It WORKS.
2) Tell yourself 10 Good Things.
Every night before you go to sleep, maybe while you’re brushing your teeth, repeat after me: I am strong. (That’s one.) I am smart. (That’s two.) I am confident. (That’s three. See how easy it is?) And keep going! What other good things can you say about your Self? Are you a good mom? Are you a reliable friend? Do you have great hair?? The first time you try this, it will feel weird. You might only make it up to six Good Things. But keep practicing. Eventually, you will not want to stop at 10! Trust me on this one. It WORKS.
3) Make an “I AM” Scrapbook or Vision Board.
This might be a bit more advanced, but it is also quite relaxing and exhilarating at the same time. Kind of like yoga! Anyway, whenever you have some alone time, cut out pictures and words from magazines that reflect who you think you are, or even who you really want to be. It’s never too late to be the person you’ve always wanted to be, don’t you agree? You can also draw and write words directly in your book or on your posterboard. Any old book, notebook, scrap cardboard or corkboard will do. Make this an ongoing project if you like. Once you’ve finished, put it where you can see it or take it out and look at it regularly to reinforce that calm yet exhilarating feeling of I AM.
Confidence. It CAN be yours. If I can do it, YOU can TOTALLY do it, too!
To help you get the ball rolling, call or email me for a quick chat. Usually, I charge over $100 per hour for private coaching sessions on th telephone. But I am so sure that I can kick your confidence up a notch or two RIGHT AWAY that I am willing to give you 30 minutes of my time, no charge.
What have you got to lose?
As your Confidence Coach, I bring you the tools to BE your SELF and OWN your TRUTH.
- don’t know how to use your own voice anymore
- used to feel like you could do anything
- wonder why no one listens to you
- feel invisible most of the time
- don’t have a plan for your future
- can’t even imagine your way into next week
- wonder when your goals disappeared like that
- feel all bottled up like wine with a dry cork
- wish you could just run away some days
- hate living in an emotional battlefield or wasteland
- can’t remember the last time you felt good about yourself
- don’t know when someone last complimented you on anything
- feel as if flirting was something you did in another lifetime
- don’t remember how to have fun
- This list goes on and on, doesn’t it?…
I know what it’s like and how to help because the same thing happened to me. Now that I have successfully found my Self and learned how to own my truth, I can guide you through the steps it takes to
succeed and THRIVE. Email me directly at Pamela@ElasticityCoaching.com or visit my website at www.PamelaWills.com. Let’s talk so we can identify your challenges and decide on your course of
action. I look forward to working with you!
Please remember that
referrals make me very happy!
8/22/2012 05:52:34 am
I love vision boards, but I don't use them as much as I should. This is a great post on confidence. I think a women's confidence is kicked to the curb as much as possible. Society is always defining us, shaping us, and sometimes kicking us down. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom :)
8/23/2012 06:39:51 am
Thanks for reading and commenting, Ashely! Confidence is something we all have inside us, we just need the tools to bring it to the surface and let ourselves shimmer with the glow of it!
Argg--This is a timely post for me. After gaining 30lbs post baby and no longer doing the adventure girl thing/ruling the corporate world thing, my self image has taken a beating. However, with positive self talk and telling myself to have a bit of patience, this too will pass. . .
8/23/2012 06:42:09 am
Snowlet, thanks for reading and commenting. Self image goes through lots of different versions throughout life. Positive self talk is a huge help and totally worth practicing every day. Choose the image you want to see your Self as. Then practice telling your Self that it's true!
Leave a Reply.
Parent Resource Guide
Travel & Vacations
Cape Cod Birthdays
Cape Cod Family