Editor's Note: October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. 1 in every 4 women will experience a miscarriage, infant loss or still birth. This month we stand in support and solidarity for our fellow sisters who have suffered from this painful loss and we honor them for their courage and strength.
I miscarried one of my babies. I didn’t want to talk about it at the time, but now I’d talk about it to anyone if the topic comes up. I have two healthy happy children from two of my pregnancies and I had one miscarriage.
During my first pregnancy, my husband went to almost every single appointment with me. For the first appointment with my second pregnancy my husband was working, so I just took my toddler daughter with me. I think the appointment was at around 9 weeks or so. My doctor tried listening to the heartbeat and said I think you’ve had a miscarriage, the heartbeat is faint and irregular. We will get you an appointment at the ultrasound office where they can do a better ultrasound but I don’t think this one is going to make it…or something along those lines I don’t remember word for word what was said but I knew he must be right, he is a specialist in high-risk pregnancies (not the reason I went to him) but he was a great doctor. I started to cry in the room and he patted my back and left me alone with my daughter. I was crying and my daughter asked why I was crying and said something cute which made me laugh. I remember being so grateful that I took her with me to cheer me up.
We headed over to the ultrasound office and it was confirmed that there was something wrong with the heartbeat. I was told to return home and come back in a week or so for them to see if the heartbeat was still there and then they could schedule me to have it removed. Wait…what…I have to wait for the baby to die and then have it removed! I guess that makes sense but what a horrible thing to have to wait for. To make things worse it was a few days before Easter and Easter dinner was at my in-laws house. I went and felt like crying the whole time especially when we headed over to their neighbors house for an Easter egg hunt for my daughter to join in. I remember keeping to myself and thinking they must think I am rude not joining in their conversations but I felt I would burst into tears if I said anything.
So I returned to my appointment and there it was, no more heartbeat. Next step was a procedure at the hospital. I believe I had to use two tablets of misoprostol the night before and then I headed to the hospital in the morning and my husband was there by my side. I remember the anesthesiologist telling me how common miscarriages are and not to think there was anything I did or could’ve done to change this and it also does not mean anything for the outcome of my future pregnancies.
Why did I not know miscarriages were so common? I guess I had never heard anyone say they had a miscarriage. After I had mine, I asked my mother if she ever had any and she said no, but that my grandmother, who had 10 healthy kids, had a boatload of miscarriages throughout her childbearing years and in fact after her 10th baby she thought she was pregnant again and she was devastated to find out she was in menopause instead. That made me smile, she would’ve kept on having more and more kids forever! My mom bought me a book called Mommy Please Don’t Cry Because There are No Tears in Heaven. I think it was more for the loss of a child versus a miscarriage but my toddler loved to grab it and have me read it to her. It made me cry the first couple times I read it. Thinking back on it, I think my experience would’ve been much harder if my first pregnancy was a miscarriage. I had my first daughter to make me laugh, keep me busy, and be grateful for.
After my miscarriage I was pregnant again within a couple months. I have since found out that other people I know have had miscarriages too and a few much further along than I was. One of my friends had a miscarriage at 8 months. I cannot imagine losing a baby that far along, you’ve already planned out your life with a baby and are ready for the little one to arrive. Looking back she says she thinks it was for the best, her boyfriend at the time was not the best person for her and she wasn’t ready to have a child so young. She is now happily married and has two beautiful healthy children. Everything happens for a reason, what will be will be! I am not sure if knowing it was common would’ve helped me but I think everyone of childbearing age should know that miscarriages are very common and if you want children, you will likely have all the happy health children you want to when the time is right.
Opportunity: I always knew I would work full time when I had kids, I am a hard worker and I just knew it…that is until I had kids and now I think the hell with working! I do have to work some hours though to pay for the life we have given ourselves and to provide benefits for our family. I had been working 32 hours a week up until a few months ago when I took a part time job at a pharmacy that would let me have benefits at just 22 hour a week. Part of why I am comfortable reducing my hours is because I started a side business last year generating extra income. A friend had reached out to me in 2014 about a business she started as a consultant for a skincare company and I decided to join her. I became a consultant for Rodan + Fields, from the same doctors who created ProActiv. This new skincare line is for aging and sun damaged skin as well as acne and sensitive skin. The opportunity has been incredible for my team and myself. It is basically a word of mouth business where I get paid to wash my face and talk about it. We have just become the 4th largest premier skincare company in the US and our UnBlemish regimen for acne has become the #1 premier acne brand in the US. No parties, no inventory, and with a 60 day money back guarantee, there is basically no risk. I’d like to share this opportunity and our products with as many people as I can. Curious? Please contact me: Stephanie.Flynn.Anderson@gmail.com
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