Successful Children 3 of 4
Signs of Success in Young Children
By Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation
The first post in this series focused on catering to the every need of our infant and baby.
The second post in this series focused on the Parental Shift as we begin to show and to teach your little ones that they can capture the thunder by having the feeling of accomplishing something on their own.
In this third post, the focus is instilling awesome habits.
10 Habits of Successful Children Parents Can Instill
Schedules are so variable these days with parents working opposite schedules or there being only one parent in the home. In both of these cases, families are “just getting by” when it comes to getting everything done. Healthy meals, family time and bedtime routines can become sketchy. All too often, parents are just exhausted and are willing to lay down, and even fall asleep in their child’s bed, or just let it be if the child ends up in bed with them. Sometimes, to avoid this in order to get the dishes done, or for the parents to go “off mommy/daddy duty” parents will put a TV in the child’s room, or a tablet, etc. and let IT lull the child to sleep. In this case, we have children whose brain doesn’t learn to go into rest mode. There is noise, often times the noise is topic related, rather than “white noise,” which means the child’s mind is at work on what they are hearing. There is light, and not even steady dim nightlight light, but flickering light, which comes through even closed eyelids. This is not good for children on so many levels
2. Know how to laugh.
Children who have a good sense of humor, channeled appropriately are more fun to be around, bring people together, stimulate positive social interaction and are all around happier. Happy children have more energy and more ideas. We are not talking about the foolish, amoral laugh topics, such as Sponge Bob and we are not talking about children with disruptive laughter. As parents, we need to encourage children to express themselves, but understand that we need to safeguard them from becoming overly silly at inopportune times. That will drive people away.
3. Learn to turn frustrations into curiosities.
A child who will try and try again is often this way by nature. They are the child who you find in the hall trying to tie their shoes because they saw and another child tying their shoes. Those who aren’t that way by nature, we as parents can help them develop this muscle. By not always being in a rush, we can teach them that we have time to show them how to learn to tie their shoes. When they are a bit slower at the dinner table, we will show them that it will all work out and we can encourage them along. A child who can organized the game on the playground will be a successful child.
4. Listen and observe others.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. ~James 1:19
It is good when we take time to be patient, good listeners to our children. But that’s not enough. We have to teach them by example AND by telling them and cuing them. For some children this comes naturally, but other children need to be guided in the moment until they get a feel for the give and take of communication.
5. Never step over someone to get to where they want to be.
A child should be taught that everyone has a gift and something to offer and that they should never trample on another person’s idea or feelings. Being patient and humble are excellent qualities to be imparting to our children.
6. Realize that presenting themselves well in dress, speech and manners will earn them more opportunities and open more doors.
Back in “my day”…on Sunday we wore our Sunday best to church. Now it isn’t uncommon to see people, young and old, wearing any old thing for clothes, tucked in or not, clean or not, and crocks on their feet. I see young people who have no idea that they are even supposed to look their best when they go on a job interview, or to church. Going to school, we wanted to look our best and weren’t even allowed to wear shorts. A job interview may not matter for 10 years, but when these ideas have already been instilled, they come much more naturally.
7. See failure not as a dirty word, but as an experience to learn from.
The late Jim Rhon gave the following example; A guy sets a bar so high and says, who wants to jump over it? Lots of people say, “No, I can’t jump that high.” Some people say, “I’ll give it a try.” They knock the bar over and go sit down. A third group says, “I’ll give it a try!” They knock it over and immediately get filled with new energy and motivation to try again with a different strategy!
8. Experience that being disciplined feels bad, but that the person who is disciplining them will help them grow out of the behavior that was disciplined and show them new ways of conquering things.
Our children are going to make mistakes, we just don’t want to leave them there in the mistake. We need to help them collect more tools in their toolbox.
9. Learns how to use their imagination. We see table and chairs, they see a fort.
Practice asking your child to think of “possibilities” in a situation. We are always solving things for our children.
10. Have an analog clock in the main area of the house and are taught how to tell time.
A child who doesn’t understand the passage of time and how to manage it is linked to the parent for everything. This is one of those examples of “knowledge is power.” Digital clocks should be banned from the child’s view.
What an amazing future lies ahead for your child!
Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Cape Cod Moms