When Moms Band Together

“…one thread that holds mommies together is that we have a heart for children. 

We don’t want our own or another mom’s children to suffer.”

When Moms Band Together
By Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation

We moms offer everything from love to limits and all that lies between.  Moms support other moms and exchange valuable bits of information about everything from where to get the best price, what’s the best product, what it feels like when our child hurts, how to get through the  long night, and much more.

My thoughts keep returning to the post thread last month that stirred up so much emotion about the immigrant children.  I was really saddened by the verbal denigration exchanged between “mommies.”

In my heart, I believe that almost every one of us moms would come to the aid of any child of any race, religion or nationality, were they to scrape their knee, be lost at the mall, or even look hungry at the playground when your child is having their snack. 

In my heart, I believe that each and every one of us moms are saddened by the thought of any child, in any corner of the world being abused, neglected, starving, suffering disease or being orphaned, and that if it could be possible, every child should be rescued from these conditions.

Another mom with a view that opposes your view is not necessarily a heartless mom, or ignorant. 

There are factors to consider when we think about the homeless immigrant children.  For some, all factors are going to fall away because the emotional factors hits them so hard and all they see is that we should take care of these children.  Others feel that the American Government should simply take care of them.  Others will say, “I have room for one or two children in my house.  How can I help?”

I feel we should be able to agree that there are many factors to consider and different views, but that one thread that holds mommies together is that we have a heart for children.  We don’t want our own or another mom’s children to suffer.  We are sickened by child suffering.

Let us all look around and say to ourselves, “What can I do for these children?” 

·         You can cast your vote for the politicians working on the side of feeding, clothing, sheltering and meeting medical and dental needs if you feel that is the right approach.

·         You can online search if there are collection sites for these children for food, clothing, educational supplies, medical supplies, etc.

·         You can inquire as to whether you can shelter one or more of these children.

·         You can see if there is somewhere to donate money for this cause.

·         You can pray for the children and the whole situation.

We should support those who wish to make these efforts for the children.  It is their heart that guides them.

However, let me point out just some of the many other realities;

·         During my years at The Cape & Islands Department of Social Services (currently The Dept. of Children and Families), almost every day I entered the building there were children in the lobby waiting for the homefinder (a social worker whose job it is to find placements for the children) to find them a home, hopefully for as long as needed, but in reality, sometimes they were back in the lobby the next day because the home that was found was just for one night.

·         Also during my years in this field, I have worked closely with many homeless families.  These are families where young children and their parent(s) are in shelters with many other families, one-room hotels or temporary housing units.

·         There are children right here in our communities who don’t have winter coats, they don’t have school supplies or a backpack like their classmates on the first day of school, their parent might not have transportation to their doctor appointment, they might not have breakfast or any milk in their refrigerator.

·         There are countless numbers of children in foster care, either waiting to be freed for adoption or ALREADY freed for adoption who have no one even inquiring about adopting them or wanting to meet them.

Let us all look around and say to ourselves, “What can I do for these children?” 

·         Become a Foster Parent  - an amazing gift.  Some foster parents are long-term (months to years), short-term (weeks to a few months), or emergency (24-48 hours).  Being a foster parent may be right for you!

http://www.mass.gov/eohhs/gov/departments/dcf/foster-care/foster-parenting/becoming-a-foster-parent.html

·         Donate toiletries or duffle bags to The Department of Children and Family Services.  Often, the children who come into the DCF office for placement come with just a few essentials and what they have is often carried in a garbage bag.  Can you imagine the feeling one has about traveling this way?  Leaving everything they know, even if that everything was abuse or neglect.  Give a call to DCF (508)760-0200 and ask if it is ok if you drop off a bag of new toothbrushes and toothpaste, or a few new duffle bags.  Don’t bring your throw away duffle bags, bring new ones.

·         Become a Respite Care provider – respite means “taking a break.”  There are children with special needs or for other reasons, their parent or grandparent/guardian may need help but not for their child to be placed out of the home.  Respite care might be for a few hours in a day or for a weekend.

http://www.mass.gov/eohhs/gov/departments/dph/programs/family-health/directions/chap-6/respite-care.html

·         Become a Big Brother or Big Sister – This program always has children on their waiting list.  Some children have no father present and not even a positive male role model.  The same goes for children who have no mother present.  You could be that wonderful, special person in a child’s life! http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm

·         Organize a coat drive – You might have a warm coat worked into your family budget, or maybe a grandparent buys your child a coat every year, or maybe you’ve been blessed by gently worn hand-me-downs.  Some parents don’t have these options.  Your family or the groups of moms you socialize with could organize a coat drive.  Follow this link for steps or call your local homeless prevention program.

http://onewarmcoat.org/organize-a-drive/

·         Browse around the Needy Fund site.  Small donations and other ideas can help in big ways!

http://needyfund.org/

·         There was a program that I thought was called “Dress a Doll.”  It was where the age, gender and size of a child in need was given out and rather than a Yankee Swap for the holiday party, everyone would bring an assigned item like mittens, hat, coat and other clothes items.  I can’t find the link.

·         Provide a Christmas gift for a child who’s parent is incarcerated, on behalf of the parent.  They, their family and even the incarcerated parent may feel so much shame.  Show them they are loved.

http://www.prisonfellowship.org/resources/angel-tree/

·         Donate school supplies or a backpack, or countless other items for families working to avert homelessness.  Our local council here on the Lower Cape is http://www.prisonfellowship.org/resources/angel-tree/.

·         Consider volunteering as a Scout leader.  I am entering my 4th year as a Girl Scout leader.  Each year, children are turned away from joining scouts because there are too few leaders to support the numbers of children who would like to sign up.  There are many studies that show the long-term benefits to children who participate in scouting!  It’s fun!

http://www.girlscouts.org/join.asp?tab=v&utm_campaign=ICantWaitTo&utm_medium=Redirect&utm_source=ForAdultsVolunteering

·         Donate a Bible – How many Bibles do you have in your home?  Between two children and the Bibles they have been gifted by relatives or received at church or VBS, my own childhood Bible and those I have bought thinking a different version might be nice to try, we ended up filling a box with Bibles to donate.  Did you know that in other parts of the world, at a revival, the villagers race and push each other to be one who gets a Bible!  There is much need for other books as well.  Google to find out how, or drop your books in the donation bins around town.

http://biblesenders.org/donate-a-bible

·         You can pray for the children and all of these situations.

·         Do you, or does your child have a good idea about how to help other children??  Let the ideas flow.

Another mom with a view that opposes your view is not necessarily a heartless mom, or ignorant.  When we band together as moms we can make a big difference in the lives of children.  Even something seemingly really small can have an amazing ripple effect!

“Do small things with great love.”  Mother Theresa

Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Lamperti Counseling & Consultation